The Hardest Choices
by O.A.I
Summary: (Drarry) Please see inside for details. Trailer and Chapters one to seven
1. Trailer

**Trailer:** The Hardest Choices  
  
It was once said, "the end justifies the means", but could the means be too great a price to pay? What if to save the world you had give up your soul? What if to save your friends you had give up your life? What if to save the people you love, you had to become the thing you hate most?  
  
What would you do to save the people you love?  
  
It's the summer of 1998, the war has ended, the light has won, and they owe it all to a murderer and traitor - Harry Potter. His friends, teachers, and partner know this and want to forgive him, but how can you forgive someone who won't forgive themselves?  
  
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The story will be mostly angst, running through sixth and seventh year, told from the perspective of Harry looking back, as well as moving along with life after the defeat of Voldemort.  
  
It should be noted that this is a Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy slash fic.  
  
Please tell me if it sounds like it's worth my time to write. I will if anyone is interested.  
  
Sorry if there are any errors, in the grammer or spelling. I'm looking for a quick and reliable beta reader, so if you know of any please let me know. 


	2. Painful Reality

**(A/N) **This is my first attempt at a male/male relationship. If you have a problem with this, please do not read the story as it may offend you. Otherwise, enjoy the story.

P.S. I've posted this story on other fan fiction websites under the same pen name.

**Synopsis:**

It was once said, "the end justifies the means", but could the means be too great a price to pay? What if, to save the world, you had give up your soul? What if, to save your friends, you had to give up your life? What if, to save the people you love, you had to become the thing you hate most?

What would you do?

It's the summer of 1998, the war has ended, the light has won, and they owe it all to a murderer and traitor - Harry Potter. His friends, teachers, and partner know this and want to forgive him, but how can you forgive someone who won't forgive himself?

The story runs through sixth and seventh year, told from the perspective of Harry looking back, as well as moving along with life after the defeat of Voldemort.

**Note:** I came up with this story before the release of "Half Blood Prince," as such it is officially AU after "Order of the Phoenix". **NOT** "Half Blood Prince" or "Deathly Hollows" compatible.

**Warnings:** Hmm, slash (Harry Potter & Draco Malfoy), foul language (probably), violence, character death (not Harry or Draco), mild sex, uuuh, I think that's it…

**Disclaimer:** The Harry Potter series is copyright of J.K. Rowling and various companies, not me. This was written purely for entertainment purposes and I make no profit from it.

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by S.N. Blade**

**Chapter 1:** Painful Reality

I slowly manage to force my eyes open, only to be left wondering where I am. I hear hushed voices to my left, and rolling onto my side towards them, I'm greeted by sharp pains all over my body. I let out a low groan of pain and close my eyes; I'd forgotten just how badly I was injured. I must be in the infirmary then, and those voices must be either other patients or their visitors. Heh…lucky them. I know I won't get any, not friendless traitor Harry Potter. I made sure of that.

A hand lightly touches my right shoulder and it is accompanied by an all too familiar voice. "How are you feeling, Harry?"

I'm rather surprised to say the least. I've only ever heard that voice so soft when it was directed at someone else, never at me; but more than that, I shouldn't be hearing it at all. I strain to open my eyes again, only to meet the gaze of Lucius Malfoy. "What are you doing here?" my voice is gruff, causing the question to sound ruder than I had intended.

He seems slightly surprised at my tone, and shaking his head informs me, "I was worried about you."

I snort with laughter, "Worried? Maybe, but definitely not about me." I fix an annoyed look on my face. "Why don't you go back to who you're really here to see and stop feigning pity for me?" Shrugging his hand off my shoulder, I close my eyes again.

"If you are referring to Draco," my chest contracts painfully at the mention of that name, "he was released yesterday." A wave of relief washes over me; he's alive, I haven't become a monster for nothing. "Along with Ron, Hermione, and Remus."

"And I should care, why?" I didn't want to say it, but I won't go blubbering over what I've lost, not when the decisions I made were to protect them.

"Because they love you and are more worried about you than I am."

"Love? Is that the pathetic word you hope to paint this over with?" I'm not asking. "If that's your whole purpose for being here you can leave."

"My, aren't we bitter." Oh yes, Severus Snape, voice laced with acid as always, but only mildly. It must be because I'm half-dead.

"Why are you here? Felt like having a Death Eater reunion?" I force myself to sit up, ignoring the pain. I have difficulty handling Snape on my best days, and damned if I'm going to let him walk all over me lying down. He flashes a defiant look at me, a look that says, _"Is that the best you can do?"_

"Harry, you were never a Death Eater," Lucius says firmly.

"You're right, I was something worse, playing the role of Voldemort's lit-"

"Silence!" Severus nearly yells to prevent me from going any further. "Even if you were…" he leaves it hanging there, probably afraid that if he says it he won't be able to believe what he wants to anymore. "It doesn't matter to any of us." For a second I almost believe him, I _want_ to believe him, but then reality rears its ugly head once again and I'm ready to kill him.

"Us." My voice is deadly low and my body is shaking with the rage I'm attempting to control. "How dare you to tell me how they feel!" I let my voice explode, drawing the attention of the entire room. "How dare you try and absolve me of what I've done! You go tell the families of my victims that my actions don't matter! That they don't have a right to hate me! That a monster like me should be allowed to continue living, while their family members are forgotten, rotting six feet under. Then come and tell me it doesn't matter!" I stop and breathe deeply, trying to calm down. "Get away from me."

"Potter, pushing the people who care about you away will not help," Snape snaps.

"The fact you feel remorse at all shows you're still human, Harry," Lucius tries, "and they obviously aren't forgotten if you feel this way."

'_He is right you know,'_ calls the other occupant of my body.

'_Shut up, Godric!'_ I yell inside my head. I glare at Snape and Lucius with a face that could kill, growling at them, "Get out." Neither one of them moves.

"Potter, don't be-"

"Get out!" I snap at Snape, cutting him off. I don't care what he has to say. I've accepted my losses and he needs to as well. Of all people, I thought they could understand. I know they hate me, how could they not, but I accepted that the moment I chose to save them. Consequently that made me the monster I am now.

"Get out!"

"Don't do this Har-" I've given them fair warning and I'm tired of being nice. I point my open right hand at them. Letting the magical energy flow through my arm, a crackling blue light forms and catches their undivided attention.

"I would suggest you leave before I do something you will regret." I don't really want to hurt them, but I'm tired of this. I cannot be forgiven for what I've done.

"Potter, this act of yours is getting tiresome."

"Act, Snape? What makes you think this an act?" Both of them look skeptical. "After all, what's two more veins on my body? What's two more lives atop the mountain of corpses I've created?" I put all my self-loathing into those words, "So, do you have a death wish or not?" I won't actually kill them; I don't need any more marks etched into my battered soul. That is, if I still have one; but I will drive them away from me, even if it means using force.

They seem to decide I'm serious and move away from me. I do not lower my arm until after they leave the room. I relax until I notice all the eyes still focused on me. "What are you lot looking at?" I snarl, and with a wave of my hand the curtains are drawn around the bed. I lay back down hoping I can fall asleep.

I brush my right hand through my unruly mass of hair, trying to alleviate the frustration surging through me. I stop to look at the ancient symbol on my palm, tracing the circular wand mark that gave me my new powers, and then glancing at the sword mark on my left hand, representative of Godric's favored weapon. They also serve as reminders of the war, and of what I've lost, never to be erased, just like all the white veins spreading out from my hand, a catalogue of all the lives I've taken. I remember the first one, my first kill…His name was Quinton Miller, an unlucky soul who was in the wrong place at the wrong time…

I lost count of my kills long ago, so it's fortunate to have these lines to remind me of them. There must be over a thousand as they cover the better part of my legs and torso, the body of a monster; never has the punishment fit the crime more…Which reminds me, I need to thank whoever left me in my clothes.

_'Now why did you do that? They were only trying to help you.'_

_'Haven't you left yet? I fulfilled your damn prophecy so get the hell out of my head already.'_

_'Well, yes, but I cannot leave, not without another vessel. In other words, I require the orb.'_

_'It was destroyed, remember? How in the hell do you expect me to get it back?'_

_'Well, a path to the after life would open for me, if you could find a way to make peace with the world.'_

_'I'm perfectly at peace, thank you, so you can leave now.'_

_'Yes, and that is why you just threatened to kill two of your friend-'_

_'They're not my friends.'_

_'Fine, but they see you as theirs. Why can you not let go? After all, you only did all this to protect them.'_

_'Because I deserve to be miserable, I deserve to be hated.'_

_'They said what you did doesn't matter to them.'_

_'But they're not the ones I want forgiveness from.'_

_'Who then?'_

_'Draco.'_

_'Yes, I thought he might have something to do with this.'_

_'…Go away Godric…I need to rest.' _He dragged it out of me. I told him what I've been trying to deny the whole time, but surprisingly, I'm not angry, just tired.

(To be continued…)

**(A/N) **So, what do think? Please let me know in a review. And include anything that confuses you, so that I will remember to explain it in later chapters.


	3. Unfortunate Circumstances

**(A/N) **General warnings and a disclaimer can be found in the first chapter.

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by S.N. Blade**

**Chapter 2:** Unfortunate Circumstances

I tug a pair of black leather gloves onto my hands as I descend the stairs. I hear voices in the Entrance Hall and I stop momentarily; I recognize those voices. Stealing myself, I continue my way down, and as I go I'm able to hear their conversation more clearly.

"So, do you think it's alright to go see him now?"

"I don't know, Lucius seems to think he needs more time."

"Hermione's right Draco, we can't push, he's been through a lot."

I round the corner of the staircase to see three of the people I care about most in the world, but also the three I want to see least right now. Ron is the first to notice me coming down the stairs. He stops to stare at me which catches the attention of Hermione and Draco. I keep my face expressionless, staring straight past them, and by the time I reach the main floor, I've already planned a new route outside. I turn to my right, going down a rarely used wing, towards an even less used exit from the castle.

I hear a soft whisper behind me, "Harry..."

_'Draco.' _I swallow hard and keep on walking.

Ten minutes later I'm seating myself beneath the shade of a tree not far from the edge of the lake. I cross my legs, resting my hands palm up on my knees as I breathe in deeply, closing my eyes and relaxing my body. I begin to form a picture in my head of a long bridge, building it brick by brick in my mind.

_'If you think this is going to work, you're mistaken Harry,' _Godric calls. I push his words away concentrating on constructing the- _'You can't force a pathway open Harry, no matter how hard you try. No one can.' _

I growl, and taking another deep breath I start all over again, forming the bricks, feeling their texture-

_'You're stuck with me until you fix this, so you might as well give-'_

"Must you be so annoyingly loud!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was so noisy when I walk." I nearly jump in surprise. I hadn't thought I'd spoken aloud.

I breathe deeply once more and reply, "Dumbledore." I hear him sigh and realize I've said his name as caustically as I had while I was with Voldemort. I sigh as well and try again, "Hello Headmaster."

"Hello Harry," he sounds tired and drawn out. I don't need to see his face to know that he looks terrible, but even that can't prepare me for the actual sight. I open my eyes and I have to say I've never seen him looking so old before; it makes me feel ill. _'I'm sorry Albus, but I can't give her back.' _I wish I could tell him that, but I could hardly bare seeing him cry the first time, I don't think I could stand to see it again.

He forces a small, strained smile as he seats himself next to me. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"Of course."

"Why are you out here?"

"Well, I went to the Infirmary to check in on you and I learned from a rather displeased Madam Pomfrey that you had discharged yourself this morning." That was the understatement of the century. Pomfrey had been livid when I left the Infirmary, but there was nothing she could do to stop me. I wasn't going to spend more time in there than absolutely necessary; it just brings back too many painful memories.

"So, I thought I'd come to find you, and see if perhaps you were ready to explain to me how this all started."

"Right," I sigh. I knew he wasn't going to let me leave all this in the past. As much as I want to forget it ever happened, he needs to understand. After what I've done to him, he deserves an explanation at the very least.

"August 1st, 1997." I breathe in, trying to remain composed. "Do you remember that day?" He just shakes his head. "That's the day this whole thing began...

_(Flash Back) _

A cold hand grasped my shoulder, shaking me awake. Rolling over I cracked my tired eyes open and was just able to make out the person to whom the hand belonged. "Remus?" I asked tiredly.

"Harry, get up, Albus needs to see us downstairs," his voice sounded a little urgent.

"What's the matter?" I shifted to my left, reaching out to the nightstand, groping for my glasses. I heard a groggy groan come from the other occupant of the bed.

"I'm not sure, Harry. All I know is that Albus wants to talk to you, Moody, Tonks and me."

"I'll be down in a minute," I told Remus, putting on my glasses. He then left to either wake up the others or to go see Albus, I wasn't sure which.

"What's going on?" my bedmate asked me, half asleep.

"It's nothing, go back to sleep, Draco." I detached myself from him and the bed, hitting a snag when he grabbed hold of my white t-shirt.

"I repeat, what's going on?" he asked, eying me in sleepy annoyance.

"Albus wants to see me for some reason," I said rubbing the back of my neck, looking around the floor for some trousers.

"What for?"

"Haven't the slightest idea."

"Stupid old fart," he grunted, releasing his grip on my shirt.

"It's not even morning and you're already getting up on the wrong side of the bed," I chuckled lightly, flashing him a small grin.

"Of course, I hate it when you get up in the middle of the night just to go to the loo. This is worse! You'll probably be gone for hours because of that old geezer, not just a couple of minutes," he complained, yanking the body pillow out from under his head and draping his body around it like he had been around me only minutes before.

"You know, I've never understood that," I said tugging on a pair of black pajama bottoms over my sleeping shorts.

"Uhh ge cohd," he stated, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Sorry?"

"I get cold," he said, pulling the pillow away from his face. "You're like a heavy duty heating charm when you sleep. The minute you get up it feels like someone opened a large window in the middle of a blizzard." I chuckled again. "It's not funny."

"You're right, it's not," I said sitting down on the edge of the bed. I leaned over him, tangling the fingers of my left hand in his platinum blond hair, my right propping me up on the bed. I kissed his right temple and nuzzled his ear with my nose.

"Oughf!" he shoved me back, glaring at me. "Don't start something you have no time to finish." He yanked the covers up to his neck, "Well get going already. The sooner you leave, the sooner you get back and I get warm again." And with that he covered his head with the blanket.

"OK, OK," I said getting up to retrieve my wand from the nightstand and then to leave our bedroom.

I stretched lazily as I walked down the hall towards the stairs. Not wanting to wake up that god-awful portrait of Sirius' mother, I carefully picked and chose where to step on the way down the stairs. Once on the main floor I went directly to the kitchen where I'd found Albus and Moody seated at the kitchen table across from one another.

"Albus?" I asked.

"Harry have a seat, we're just waiting for Remus to return with Tonks." As I sat down, the door to the kitchen opened to reveal a tired looking Remus and a half asleep Tonks who was wearing baby blue flannel pajamas with little yellow ducks printed on them.

"What's going aaawwhn?" Tonks yawned sitting between Moody and me while Remus sat opposite us next to Albus.

"I have an urgent assignment for the four of you. Severus has reported that Voldemort is searching for the Hogwarts Terra-Orbis. I need the four of you to retrieve it before he finds it."

"Since when has Hogwarts had a Terra-Orbis, Albus? I thought those were all seized by the ministry in the last century," Moody inquired.

"Yes, the ones they were able to find they did seize, but this one hasn't been in the castle since the time of the founders," Albus stated. "You will all go to North York Moors National Park. I will give you a Portkey that will take you to a cave, inside is the burial sight of the four founders. Once there, you will retrieve the orb and bring it back here for disposal."

"Disposal?" Tonks asked, now more awake, "I don't understand, wouldn't it be helpful to us?"

"It would, if anyone in this day and age still knew how to use one," Remus said. "Unfortunately, since they were so powerful, not only did the ministry seize the orbs, it also took all the books on them and then erased any memories of how they work."

"And trying to work one without knowing how to use it would be extremely dangerous," Moody added.

"Then why's Voldemort after it, if he can't use it?" Tonks inquired.

"Not knowing how to use it doesn't mean he won't try," Albus said.

"And who knows how many people will get hurt in the process," I stated.

"Exactly," Albus finished.

"We best get going then," Remus said, standing up. "We should get this done before morning."

"Nothing like a little grave robbin' in the middle of the night, eh?" Moody griped, also getting up from his seat.

"Alastor, please," Albus pleaded slightly as he pulled a broken half of a red Frisbee out of his sea-foam green robes.

"I know, I know, it's for the greater good and all that but that doesn't mean I have to like it." He grunted. "But Remus is right, the sooner we leave the sooner we get this over with." He took the Portkey Frisbee half from Albus, holding it up between the rest of us. I pulled my wand out of my trouser pocket and before taking hold of a corner of the broken toy, I changed my sleeping attire into something better suited to the task at hand. Remus and Tonks took hold seconds later, their own clothes changed and wands at the ready; then the familiar pull at my navel told me we were on our way.

A few seconds later, we had arrived at our destination. "Lumos," we all whispered simultaneously, lighting the small clearing where we were standing. About twenty feet away from us was a dark cave almost completely hidden by vines and low growing plants. Once we'd cleared the way, we entered the shallow cave.

Facing the back of the cave, Remus raised his wand, pointing it at the wall, and uttered a spell. "Foris Ostendo." The stone melted away to reveal a dark six-foot high passageway.

Moody then stepped forward, his electric-blue magical eye spinning wildly in its socket. "Right then, everyone stay behind me and don't touch anything. There's no telling what sort of old booby traps are in this place," he said. Moving down the passageway, I was directly behind Moody; Tonks was behind me while Remus brought up the rear. The tunnel had gone on for nearly ten minutes before it opened up into a large circular chamber. Moody stopped at the entrance to the chamber, first looking at the floor, then the wall, and lastly the ceiling. "Don't step on this brick," he'd indicated a rectangular stone set in the floor completely unremarkable from all the others paving the floor. "Or you'll be spending the rest of your life in St. Mungos." Needless to say we'd all been careful to avoid it.

Once we were all inside the chamber and Moody gave us the OK, we began to look around. There were four stone coffins in the center of the room, forming a square around a pedestal in which the four house crests of Hogwarts were set. On the pedestal was a large sphere the size of an ostrich egg, made up of a blackish purple stone filled with green, yellow, red, and blue flecks. Remus walked towards the pedestal, conjuring up a large brown cloth that he carefully used to remove the sphere from its resting place.

As he was removing the orb, Tonks and I were examining the coffins. Tonks stepped between two of the coffins, intent on taking a closer look at the runes carved across their surfaces. "Tonks!" Moody yelled.

"What?" she asked. Then the sound of stone sliding was heard. We all looked at Tonks' feet and saw a brick slide out of place beneath them. "Uh-oh"

Spells then shot up from the floor, disarming all of us. The orb went flying out of Remus' hands; I dived to the floor. I had only just managed to catch it when the whole room went dark.

"Wonderful," I heard Remus mutter, "thank you so much Tonks."

"I'm sorry," came Tonks' voice somewhere to my left.

"It's my fault," Moody confessed, "I didn't see that one until it was too late."

"What's happened to the Orb?" Remus asked. "Since we're all alive, I take it that it's still in one piece."

"Yeah, I've got it," I said.

"Good boy," Moody commended.

"I don't suppose anyone's found their wand yet?" Remus wondered.

"No," the rest of us answered.

"Never mind, I've found one," Remus told us. "Lumos," he whispered, and a small light filled the room.

"That's mine," Tonks said. Remus then handed it to her. After locating all of our wands, I handed the orb back to Remus, which he then wrapped up and placed inside a satchel he had conjured.

"Uh, we have a small problem here," Tonks called; we turned to look at her and saw the problem. The passageway out was missing.

"Must've happened when the trap was triggered," Moody said, walking over to where the passage had been. "Foris Ostendo," he muttered, pointing his wand at the wall. Nothing happened. "Humm"

"The Portkey?" Remus asked Moody.

"Don't think so. I doubt apparition will work either. That trap was designed to keep grave robbers in."

"You mean we're stuck here?" Tonks questioned, worry permeating her voice.

"No...I don't think so. No Tomb Writer worth their salt would make a trap with no way out. If they did and accidentally set it off, they'd be in trouble then, wouldn't they?" Moody stated examining the wall near where the passage had been. "All we have to do is find the back door." He began to feel the wall, looking for something. "You lot look the rest of the chamber over, tell me if you find anything out of the ordinary." With that, we all began to examine the room from top to bottom.

Soon ten minutes had passed, then twenty, then thirty..."Ugh!" Tonks yelled, "We're never going to get out of here!"

"Calm down," Moody commanded, "getting frustrated isn't going to help."

"But we've been at this for over a half hour, and we're still stuck here!"

"I know Tonks, but we have to keep trying. I'm sure there's a..." I didn't hear the rest of Remus' sentence as my eyes were drawn to the floor of the chamber; I didn't understand why any of us hadn't noticed it sooner. All of the stones in the floor were set in parallel lines except for a few scattered here and there around the chamber; but most notably the one stone at the entrance, the one Tonks had stepped on, and the few others Moody had mentioned were trapped, were all set in the floor perpendicular to the other stones. Moving to the far end of the chamber opposite to what used to be the entrance, I found yet another stone that was out of line.

"Moody," I called.

"Harry?" Moody replied while Remus continued to try to calm Tonks.

"What's beneath this stone?" I asked. Moody walked over and began to examine the area surrounding the stone.

"Well, I'll be. You've found it." Moody thumped me on the back as he pressed his foot down on the out of place stone. The stone slid down into the floor as the parallel stones between it and the wall folded away to reveal a stairway leading down into a tunnel.

"See? It's going to be alright," Remus told Tonks as they came over to where Moody and I had been standing.

"Well done, Harry," Remus complimented as he lead Tonks down the passage after Moody. I then followed them. A few short minutes later we came up through the tunnel into a small clearing. Once we were all out of the tunnel it closed up behind us.

"Let's get going," Moody commanded, pulling the Portkey out of his robes and holding it out in front of us. "I'm sure Albus is worrying as it is, let's not keep him waiting any longer." We all took hold of the Portkey once again.

A few short seconds later we were back in the kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. "Ah, there you are," Albus called, motioning for us to join him by the fireplace where he hovered over a boiling cauldron of silvery liquid. "It's almost ready," he said, giving the bubbling potion a long, slow stir. "The Orb please," he requested.

Remus removed the orb, which was still wrapped in the brown cloth, from the satchel and handed it to Albus. Albus then unwrapped it, being careful not to touch the Orb itself. He'd carefully lowered it into the liquid, which then began to change colors until it had gone through the entire spectrum. It turned brown and began to fizz, then settled down to a soft boil. Albus took up his wand and passed it over the cauldron in several complex patterns. The potion gave off a soft green glow before disappearing, leaving the cauldron empty. "Now then, how did it go?" Albus asked offhandedly while gesturing at the flame beneath the cauldron to make it go out.

Fifteen minutes later - after recounting our expedition to Albus – found us all heading back to our respective beds.

Once back in my room I stripped off the extra layers of clothes I had on until I was back in my sleeping attire. I then walked over to my side of the bed only to find Draco sound asleep, hogging the pillows and the covers. I sighed in an affectionate way as I picked the throw covers up off of the floor and found one of the throw pillows. I settled in with them on his side of the bed. After a few minutes of shifting around I was comfortable and quickly fell asleep.

_(Dream) _

It was dark, so very dark. I breathed in deeply only to be assaulted by a horrible stench. I coughed, trying to breath through the nauseating smell. I stumbled forward tripping over something and landing in what felt like a puddle. I wiped my hands on my clothes and began to walk forward, my arms outstretched into the darkness. I soon stumbled again, this time landing on something soft. I began to push myself up when my hand came in contact with something long and hard: a wand. I took hold of it and spoke out a spell.

"Lumos."

I then wished I hadn't. I screamed, stumbling back. I stared at the thing I had fallen on. It was a body; no, a corpse. I sat there for several minutes in shock. I then realized I was surrounded by corpses, and what I had landed in wasn't water. It was blood and I was covered in it. I stood up, willing my shaking legs to move forward. As I passed corpse after corpse I looked at their faces. They all wore Hogwarts uniforms, but I recognized very few of them.

I then noticed a mop of red hair not far away. I walked towards it unable to stop myself, praying it wasn't Ron or Ginny. As I got closer I saw the face and let out a sob. It was Ron. I knelt down beside him, turning him onto his back. I tightly closed my eyes when I saw his half scorched face. I then noticed he was holding the hand of the corpse next to him. Tears were flowing freely as I saw Hermione's prone form. I stood up, my body trembling and ready to collapse, but I had to find him. I began to search franticly, Seamus, Collin, Ginny, McGonagall, Albus, Dean, Ernie, Sprout, Hagrid... Draco. He was lying on his back, head turned to the side. I dropped down next to him, gently rotating his head with my hands. I starred into his lifeless eyes and cried out, cradling his head against my chest, crying into his blood stained hair.

Laughing. I heard laughing. I looked up and saw HIM! Voldemort, standing amidst the fallen, drenched in their blood, laughing!

I screamed.

_(End of dream)_

I sat up fast in bed, my hands clenching the covers so tightly my knuckles turned white. I was covered in sweat from head to toe. I buried my head in my hands, breathing deeply, trying to get my shaking body under control. I kept telling myself over and over again that it was only a dream. That was when I heard it. A whisper inside my head telling me it wasn't, that it had been real, and would be again if I didn't do something. It then told me that I had to leave, that if I didn't everyone I cared about would die, and I was filled with a sense of dread and knew with every fiber of my being that that voice was telling me the truth.

I sat there looking at Draco for a long time before I got up from our bed, taking my wand from the nightstand and walking to the door. I opened it. Stopping, I turned back to the bed.

"Goodbye Draco," I whispered, before turning again, walking out into the hall and closing the door behind me. I haven't been back to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place since.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I sit there quietly for a few minutes, letting Albus digest the information.

"It was the orb." I told him, "Godric locked his essence inside of it as he was dying. It was transferred into my body when I caught it inside the burial chamber. That was how I found the way out. He allowed me to see through the charmed bricks of the chamber floor." I got up from where I was sitting, intent on taking a long walk around the lake to clear my head.

"I'm sorry, Harry," I heard him say. I stop momentarily. Then I sigh, shaking my head, and keep on walking. I want to tell him that I'm sorry as well, but I can't. I'm sorry for the many things I've done, but I am not sorry for what's happened. This all could have ended so much worse then this, but how do I tell him that? How do I tell a man whose life I've destroyed that things are better off this way?

As I walk away, I say the words over in my head. _'I'm sorry Albus, I wish I could give Minerva back to you, but I can't. I'm sorry.'_

(To be continued…)

**(A/N) **So, how was it? Please let me know. Oh, and thank you to those of you who review the last chapter.

**Latin Words**

1 Terra - Earth / Orbis - Orb

2 Foris - Entrance / Ostendo - Reveal


	4. Killing Hope

**(A/N) **Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter.

**WARNING:**This chapter contains sex between two men! Though it is not explicit, it is there. For other warnings and a disclaimer, see first chapter.

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by S.N. Blade**

**Chapter 3:** Killing Hope

I'm laying on a deep green sofa, staring up at the ceiling of this old dungeon room. I've been here for over a week, doing my best to avoid everyone in the castle. I spend all my time in this room or outside taking long walks around the lake, trying to sort everything out, trying to figure out why I'm still here. I suppose it might be out of guilt. Albus did ask me to stay here until all the problems with the Ministry are sorted out, but that's just an excuse. I know why I'm really here, it's penance. I stay here to torture myself, to feel horrible, to try to make up for all the pain I've caused everyone else.

There's a knock at the door. I sigh and pull myself up into a sitting position. I might as well get this over with as soon as possible. I walk to the door and open it, knowing full well who's on the other side.

"Snape," I say in way of greeting.

"Potter," he replies coolly. "I take it you're ready to go to breakfast," it's more of a statement than a question.

"It's not like I have much of a choice."

"No, I suppose you don't." He smirks and turns on his heel, heading down the hall towards the stairs. I roll my eyes and follow him.

All week while I was hiding out, I'd had the house-elves bring me meals in my room. In what I assume is Albus' twisted idea of getting back to normal, he deemed it time for me to get back into the social swing of things. He sent me a letter yesterday evening informing me that the house-elves had been instructed not to serve me meals anywhere but in the great hall at regularly scheduled meal times; and my fellow dungeon mate, Severus Snape, had been instructed to escort me. Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to being forced into close quarters with the people I've been avoiding all week. However, you can't pay penance without punishment, so I'll go, for now, and should it prove to be too much too soon, I guess I'll starve.

After climbing several flights of stairs we come up to the main floor. My heart begins to race as I set eyes on the open Hall doors. The sound of the few people remaining in the castle spilling out into the entrance way meets my ears. I stop, memories racing through my mind.

_(Flash Back)_

I stood outside of the Great Hall, listening to Albus' welcoming speech wafting out into the entrance way.

"Welcome, everyone, to a new year at Hogwarts," his voice rang out. "For some of you this is your last year here, and for others this is your first time setting foot within these castle walls. I would ask that in these troubled times that all students - especially the more experienced - take care to look after one another.

"Now for the term notices: All students would do well to remember that the forest in the grounds is strictly forbidden.

"Mr. Filch wishes me to remind you that magic is not to be used between classes in the corridors, and that this year's banned items list now totals 458 and will be posted on his office door for everyone to view.

"Quidditch trials have been postponed until October this year due to modifications being made to the pitch.

"Lastly," he sighed, "it is my duty to inform you that the rumors you have heard are indeed true." His voice was sad which made the plan I had to execute seem all the worse. "Harry Potter is indeed missing." Murmurs flowed through the Great Hall like wild fire. I felt that was the right time to make my presence known.

"I hardly think I'm missing, Headmaster!" I called out, throwing the Hall doors open, taking hold of everyone's attention. "After all, I'm right here." Everyone was silent. I could see the shocked expressions on everyone's faces. I wasn't surprised. My flashy entrance coupled with my change in appearance would make anyone do a double take. In fact, few of them would have recognized me. In the four weeks after my disappearance from Number Twelve Grimmauld Place I had changed many things. My hair was now about an inch longer, shaggy and messy as ever, but it left my scar visible. I no longer wore my glasses, having corrected my vision with a spell Godric taught me. My school robe was worn open, flowing out behind me, showing off my uniform underneath. Last but not least, my hands sported a pair of black leather gloves.

I moved through the thick silence of the Hall over to where Hermione, Ron, and Draco sat at the Gryffindor Table. I took a seat next to Hermione, across from the others. Giving them a half grin, I waited for the shock to wear off.

A sharp clap brought everyone's attention back to Albus, "Well, I'm glad to see that your whereabouts are no longer in question. That is all. Good night."

_(End of Flash Back)_

"Potter?" I'm brought back to reality by Snape's call. He has one eyebrow raised and a questioning look on his face. I shake my head, trying to clear it, and settle the churning in my stomach. I move past him, sinking my glove covered hands into my pockets as I enter the Great Hall.

There is only one long table set out in the middle of the room. The remaining staff members are seated at one end of the table. They all stop their chattering as I enter. I make eye contact with no one, merely looking past them as I move to the table and seat myself at the unoccupied end. Here I hope I'll be out of the way which will probably make everyone involved more comfortable.

Soon everyone begins to talk again and I block out the noise, waiting for this to be over, only to be distracted by two more individuals entering the Great Hall. I had thought everyone was here. A horrid realization hits me as I recognize the two as Ron and Hermione. They're still here. Why are they still here? Oh, God. If they're still here that means that Draco must still be here.

I have to leave, now! I can't do this, not yet. I'm starting to go into hysterics, and my hands are trembling. I can't be in here with them. I just can't.

"Harry?" I quickly get up from the table, ignoring Ablus' call. I move towards the doors, brushing past Ron and Hermione, keeping my eyes fixed on the exit. I'm almost there when Draco rounds the corner coming out of the hall that leads to the main floor washrooms. My heart nearly stops when I see him standing in the entranceway, his eyes fixed on me. I have to force myself not to stop walking.

_(Flash Back)_

"You PRAT!" Draco yelled, storming into the Room of Requirement, throwing his outer robe onto his bed.

"I'm sorry," I said for what felt like the thousandth time over the past hour since I'd returned.

"_Sorry?_ You disappear for a month without so much as a word or even leaving a note and you're sorry?" he said angrily, digging through his trunk, busying his hands as he roughly put things away in his room. He always does that when he's upset. "Do you have any idea how much worry you've put everyone through? How much you've put me through?" he stormed, slamming his books down on his desk.

I knew that he would be upset, but I hadn't thought he'd be quite that upset. I walked over to him, grabbing his hands which were trying to force several huge roles of parchment onto to a small shelf. I gently held his hands to my chest with one of my own, while the other cupped his cheek to bring his face down towards me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, resting my forehead against his. He breathed in slowly, relaxing into my touch.

"I was so worried," he whispered, "I didn't know if you were-" I leaned up and kissed him softly as I moved my arms up around his neck, pulling him closer. He moved his arms, encircling my waist. We broke the kiss and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"It's OK Draco. I'm right here," I soothed, stroking the back of his neck. We stood there holding each other for the longest time.

I felt him softly kiss my neck. I tried to resist him, but I couldn't. I needed to be with him as much, if not more, than he needed it. I turned my head and began to nibble on his ear, sucking gently at his earring. I heard his breath quicken as he started to stroke my back and sides. I slid my right hand down to his hip, gently pushing him back towards the bed.

When he bumped into the bed we let go of each other. He moved into the middle of the bed, where he sat waiting for me to join him. I removed my outer robes and gloves then crawled onto the bed. Leaning over him, I held his head with my left hand, trailing kisses down the side of his face. Kissing the corner of his mouth, I took in his bottom lip, gently sucking on it. He moved his hands up and under my shirt and vest, messaging my chest and back. I released his slightly swollen lip to pull off my tops, giving him better access to my torso. I then slipped my own hands under his shirt, pulling it up and off, dropping it over the side of the bed. I gently pushed him back down onto the bed. I trailed kisses up from his belly button to his ear, which I gently kneaded with my lips. I placed my right knee in between his legs, rubbing it against him.

"Harry," he breathed, tangling the fingers of his right hand in my hair, massaging my scalp. His left hand moved down to the waist of my trousers, undid my belt and unzipped them before doing the same to his own. Moving my lips back down his chest I began removing his trousers, kissing tender spots of flesh, eliciting a soft moan from him. He sat up hugging himself to my chest, and I rubbed his shoulders to relax him. He pushed at my trousers and pants trying to get them off me, his actions filled with an urgency he normally didn't have when we were intimate. I turned his head up, capturing his lips in a deeper kiss, massaging every corner of his mouth with my tongue.

Once I had him subdued I removed my own trousers and pants, and starting with his left foot I began a sensual message. I touched every place I knew of that could arouse him. Soon he was panting, tugging at the sheets, his face nicely flushed.

I remember thinking how it had always amazed me that Draco was so submissive when it came to being intimate. Not shy, but so willing to relinquish control. He's often so brash and open with his thoughts, completely unafraid to share his opinion. That coupled with the fact that he's about a foot taller than me gave everyone the impression that he would be the one on top.

He moaned louder as we began to move, our bodies pressed together in slow, sweet motion. He wrapped his legs around me, and I grasped his hands, entwining our fingers. How someone like him could give someone else free reign to do what they wanted was beyond me. That's when it hit me; I realized just how much he trusted me. I thought I was going to throw up, I felt like a whore and a rapist all at once.

"Harry?"

"Huh?" I looked up realizing I'd stopped and Draco was concerned. He was rubbing his legs up and down my back urging me to keep going. I knew that if I stopped he'd become suspicious and I'd have to deal with all of this to soon. I began to move again faster than before, wanting this to be over. I'd been so selfish, wanting to take one more perfect memory with me down the road to my own damnation.

Afterwards, I lay awake in the bed, staring at the ceiling, hating myself for what I'd just done and what I had to do. Draco slept, resting his head on my chest, completely unaware of what was going through my mind.

"I'm sorry, Draco," I whispered, "more than you will ever know." I slid out of the bed, being careful not to wake him. Once dressed, I left him alone in his room to begin my long trek into Hell.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I come out onto the front steps of the castle, leaning on the stone railing. I take deep breaths trying to calm down. Oh God. Why? Why are they still here? Damn you, Albus! You knew. You planned this! I can't look at them anymore, not after all of this. I can't. I can't stand to look at the pain in his eyes.

_(Flash Back)_

"No, of course not," I said off handedly to Pansy Parkinson.

"After all, what would be the point of bothering with a twerp like that," Millicent said matter-of-factly.

"Exactly," I agreed while at the same time cursing her in my head.

"Here comes the traitor now," Blaise Zabini growled while Crabbe and Goyle clenched their fists.

"Not now. I'm not finished yet," I said giving them a smirk and swearing to myself that if they laid so much as a finger on him I'd kill them with my bare hands. The Slytherins moved into the Potions Lab as I turned around just in time to come face to face with Draco, who was looking very confused.

"Harry, where were you?" he asked scrunching his brow.

"I had things to do. I knew I'd catch up in time for Potions."

"But you didn't even wake me up," he tried to cover the worry in his voice with annoyance. "And why were you talking with them?"

"It's nothing Draconis, let's go," I brushed him off praying he would forgive me for all this.

"Harry," he grabbed hold of my sleeve. I turned to look at him. "Why are you mad at me?" I could see the hurt and confusion there in his eyes. I wanted to take him in my arms then, hold him close and tell him he hadn't done anything wrong, that it was all my fault. I wanted to apologize for everything I was doing and would do to him, but instead...

"What ever gave you that idea?" I said off handedly, shrugging his hand off and going into the Potions Lab.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I slowly make my way down the steps of the entranceway, heading towards the lake. I still feel like I'm about to throw up any second. I then hear the rustling of feet on the grass.

"What the hell!" I hear that voice and know this isn't going to go well. I turn around to see Ron storming towards me in a huff, Hermione and Draco trailing behind him.

"What do you want?" I say in exasperation, wanting them to go away.

"What is with you! We have been here all week and all you do is ignore us! We're-"

"What's wrong? Don't handle rejection well, Ronald?" I know I'm egging him on, but I can't help it.

"Oughf!" He hits me in the gut.

"Ron!" both Hermione and Draco scream, running to get him.

"Bet you've been wanting to do that for a while," I pant, wanting him to hit me again, to prove they can't forgive me. "However, I don't recall you ever hitting like a girl." That did it. He hit me again, this time sending me to the ground.

"Ron, stop it!" Hermione screams, joining Draco in trying to restrain him.

"What's wrong with you, Harry? We're supposed to be friends!" Ron bellows at me, straining to get out of the hold Hermione and Draco have on him.

"You just don't get it, do you?" I ask angrily getting up, "The Harry Potter you knew is dead!" They all stop, staring at me in shock. "He has been for nearly a year now. Get over it." I walk past them back towards the castle entrance.

Once I'm back in the castle I go down to my dungeon room. I go to the wardrobe and, rummaging through the pocket of an informal black robe, I pull out a small, sealed white envelope. Taking it over to the desk in the corner, I pick up an old gray quill, and after dipping it in the open ink well, I scratch "Ronald Weasley" on the envelope's surface. Setting the quill down I stare at the envelope in my hands for some time, wondering if what I'm about to do is best.

I leave my room, returning to the main floor. I look at the now closed doors of the Great Hall knowing that they need to know and understand. "Dobby," I whisper. With a soft pop the so named house-elf appears at my side.

"Harry Potter called, sir?" he asks looking up at me expectantly.

"Please give this to Ronald Weasley," I request, handing the addressed envelope to him.

"Of course, Harry Potter." He disappears with the envelope just as he'd come.

I stand in place waiting. Then I hear it: a howl of despair.

"Why! Oh God why!" I hear Ron screaming. "Ginny! WHY? Why, Hermione, why?"

I hang my head. I knew this would tear him apart but he needed to know. That envelope has held Ginny's charm bracelet for over six months now. I kept her alive for as long as I could. She would have been killed either way, and I felt it was better for her to die by the hands of the devil she knew, rather than the devil she didn't. I kept her bracelet as a reminder of what I've truly become, and they now know that I can't be saved. That Harry Potter is dead, buried, and I am forever condemned to hell for the things I've done.

I spend the remainder of the day in the dungeons trying to forget the sound of Ron's tortured screams. It's only in the hours shortly after midnight that my body gives way to exhaustion and I fall asleep.

I wake with a start unsure of what brought me out of my slumber. I then hear the knocking at my door.

"Potter." It's Snape. Getting out of bed and glancing at the clock I find it's nearly nine in the morning.

"Yes?" I ask, opening the door.

"Albus asked me to inform you," he looks me up and down, seeing the disheveled clothes from yesterday that I hadn't bothered to change out of, "that everything you requested is ready and waiting." I nod, motioning for him to lead the way.

_(Flash Back)_

It was dark in the old room. I stood in the shadows, waiting, watching as the Death Eaters assembled around Voldemort's 'throne'. I'd been in contact with him directly since a week after my disappearance, 'proving' my desire to join him. It had taken a great deal of effort and many deaths to fully convince him. Then three weeks into the school term he formally brought me into his fold.

"Death Eaters, arise," Voldemort commanded; each hooded figure stood up from their kneeling position on the floor. "Tonight we have a new addition to our cause. Over the past month he has proven himself to be worthy, an equal. I give you the heir to my soon to be empire," I stepped from the shadows to the surprised sounds of Voldemort's inner circle, "Harry Potter." I scanned the room with an air of self-importance. "His intimate knowledge of Dumbledore's little Order will insure our victory."

"Um, my Lord?" Everyone focused on a short robbed figure with a trembling voice.

"What is it, Wormtail?" Voldemort demanded.

"How can we be certain he is not a sp-"

"Crucio," Voldemort muttered.

"Ahhhgh!" Wormtail fell to the floor, curling up in a ball and screaming.

"Who are you to question me? I seem to recall telling you he had proven himself, did I not?" Voldemort lifted the curse.

"Y-yes my Lord," Wormtail whimpered.

"I should kill you for your impertinence. However, I think you would all benefit from seeing just how much 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' has changed." Voldemort snapped his fingers. A lower level Death Eater entered, levitating the still form of a young man into the center of the room, leaving him there on the floor before exiting. Voldemort gestured me forward. I stepped down from his side, walking over to the man who lay on the floor.

"Rennervate," I said, pointing my useless wand at him. He woke up. I stood over him for a few minutes, letting the realization of where he was sink in. I knew I was being cruel, but I had to make them all believe without a doubt that I had switched sides for this all to work. I watch the emotions run through his face. Confusion, disbelief, anger, fear, and lastly hope when he set eyes on me and my scar.

"Oh God, help me please," he begged.

"Help you?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Oh, no. You got yourself into this mess, sticking your nose where it didn't belong." I began to circle him. I could see in the body language of some of the Death Eaters that they were wondering why I hadn't begun to curse him yet. "Legilimens," I cast the spell through my unnecessary wand again. I watched his life flash before my eyes. "Tsk, tsk. You're even more foolish than I thought. You got involved in a fight that didn't concern you, mudblood, a move that is going to put an end to your short life. What will poor Maggie do when she finds your body on the porch tomorrow morning? I wonder if two-year-old Susan will understand that her father is never coming back? Maybe I should spare them the pain and just kill them too."

"No! Please, no! Show mercy!" he begged, lunging forward, grabbing hold of the hem of my robes. "Leave them alone!"

"Mercy?" I growled, kicking him off me. "There is no such thing." I raised my wand. "Avada Kedavra," I said while forcing my body to cast another spell. A green light flowed out of my hand appearing to come from my wand, striking him square in the chest. He slumped to the ground, dead.

I turned away from the corpse, returning to Voldemort's side, ignoring the feeling of another vein forming on my arm.

"Harry seems to prefer emotional torment to physical. It's rather refreshing." Voldemort snapped his fingers once again. "I trust his loyalties are no longer in question?" There was a general murmur of accent as the low level Death eater entered to collect the body.

I tuned out the rest of meeting, taking in only the important facts. I felt ill. I'd just taken a woman's husband and a little girl's father away from them.

'_Remember, Harry, he didn't feel a thing,' _Godric said.

'_I know, but he's still dead.'_ I replied. I know the spell he taught me made death quick, and I was glad I could fool everyone into thinking I was casting an Unforgivable instead of something else, all thanks to assimilated the core of my wand into my body that made my wand nothing more than a stick. That didn't change the fact that I'd still killed an innocent man.

"That is all. You are dismissed," Voldemort said. I waited by his side as the ranks of his highest Death Eaters exited the room. Once they had all gone, I turned to him.

"I should return to the castle. I don't want them to become suspicious just yet," I said to him.

"Enjoying your little game of cat and mouse?" he asked smirking up at me.

"Of course." I gave him a smirk of my own.

"Go then, and have your fun." He waved me off. Leaving the room and the manor, I walked out into the night. Once outside the wards I heard rustling not far off.

"Potter?" I turned to see Severus Snape looking at me with a question in his eyes.

"Snape, what do you want?" I looked at him with disdain evident on my face.

"What was that?" His voice exploded. "You just killed someone!"

"I am fully aware of that." I rolled my eyes, "What's your point?" I feigned annoyance.

"Does Albus know you're here?" he said coming forward, grabbing hold of my arm.

"Hmm, I see. I guess I really was wrong questioning your allegiance to the Order of the Phoenix," I said, pulling my arm out of his grip. "Too bad, I was looking forward to bossing you around." I began walking off. "I wouldn't suggest coming back to anymore Death Eater meetings after this, since I'm sure _he_ will be very interested to hear that Albus secured you for his own spy." I walked off, laughing, before apparating away.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I follow Snape up from the dungeons and out the main entrance. A hundred yards from the stone steps we come upon Albus who is waiting by a large square patch of dirt. In the dirt is a large circle made up of three smaller circles, all drawn of intricate runes. Around the outside, a series of large brown candles are spaced out at even intervals. I walk around the outside of the circle, searching for any inaccuracies.

"I hope it's to your satisfaction," Albus says.

"Yes," I say, "this should get you the sword back."

_(Flash Back)_

I stood outside of the staff room door. Hidden beneath my invisibility cloak, I listened in.

"Bull!" Ron shouted, "There is no way Harry's switched sides." I smiled sadly; my plan had worked, and now I could blame Snape for the Order finding out about my so-called switch of sides and leave Hogwarts without Voldemort getting suspicious.

"I'm telling you I saw it with my own eyes. I saw him kill that muggle born," Snape growled.

"That don't sound like our Harry at all," Hagrid said.

"Are you certain it was him, Severus?" Minerva asked.

"Well, let's see…dark, perpetually messy hair, green eyes, and a lightning bolt scar. No, I suppose it could have been anyone," Snape drawled sarcastically.

"Couldn't it have been someone under the effects of a Polyjuice Potion?" Neville asked.

"Only if there hadn't been a scar." Hermione stated, "That sort of magical remnant is impossible to duplicate, by any means. Even if someone else managed to survive the killing curse they would end up with a different type of scar. They're always unique."

"So what are you saying?" Draco asked, "Do you honestly believe Harry has joined Voldemort? I don't believe it!"

"We know nothing for certain," Albus said, "but we will find out. Come, we will go to my office. I should like to send Fawkes to retrieve Harry so that we may sort this out." I moved away from the door, heading towards Albus' office.

A few short minutes later I heard them all coming up the stairs to the office. I stroked Fawkes softly, hoping to calm my nerves so I could do what needed to be done. The door opened...

"Now I will send Fawkes to-" Albus stopped upon seeing me standing by his beloved familiar.

"I believe you wanted to see me, Headmaster," I said.

"Harry!" Ron and Hermione called out, moving towards me only to be stopped by Albus.

"Harry-"

"I'm quite disappointed you know," I say cutting Minerva off. "I had hoped this little game of mine wouldn't end so soon," I said with slight disappointment instilled in my voice as I picked up Godric's sword from the table next to Fawkes' perch. "I suppose I have you to thank for that, don't I Snape?" I looked at him, spreading annoyance and anger across my face.

"So you _have_ changed sides," Albus said.

"Of course." I said it like it was only natural. "I'm tired of playing the hero. Besides, it isn't any fun to be looked at like it's your job to be the savior of the wizarding world. Why bother to protect the pathetic, weak, and sniveling masses? It's time they grew a spine and did their own dirty work. And should the sheep fail to do that then they can suffer the consequences." I notice Albus raise his wand, I however beat him to it. "I wouldn't bother Dumbledore." I growled, "You and I both know I've surpassed you in terms of power." I swing the sword out with my left hand, stopping it before it hit Snape's neck. "Tsk, tsk, are you trying to play the hero now, Snape?" I asked glancing at the hand holding his wand. "I wouldn't test my patience right now if I were you. After all, I'm still rather pissed at you for revealing me so soon."

Gesturing quickly with my "wand" I cast a blasting curse, throwing everyone out of my path to the door. Before I was able to get to the door, Draco threw himself in front of it.

"Harry, what's happened to you?" His voice was urgent, "You can't really be doing this. It's not-" I back handed him across the face which, in his already weakened state from the blasting curse, sent him to the floor.

"Stay out of my way you pathetic excuse for a pureblood," I snarled at him before exiting the office.

I didn't stop walking until I was outside the school grounds. I leaned against a tree, breathing in slowly. I remember repeating in my head how sorry I was for all of that.

'_Harry, are you alright?' _Godric asked.

'_I just attacked my friends, and assaulted Draco, what do you think?'_

'_You must remember this is for their own good. Everyone must believe you've crossed over to Voldemort, or none of them will live through this.'_

'_You think I don't know that? What do you think I've been doing here?'_

'_You have been sticking to the plan, but you've come dangerously close to letting it all slip.'_

'_That won't be a problem anymore.' _I told him, finishing the conversation.

Later that day I cast a joining spell on the sword, merging with it.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I step into the circle being careful not to disturb any of the runes. Once in the center I stand with my feet shoulder width apart and take hold of my left wrist. I begin to chant a long and complicated spell. With each word I speak a rune on the outermost circle begins to glow. Soon the outer ring is completed and the candles light themselves. I begin the second half of the spell, and the runes in the inner two rings begin to glow, lighting in opposing directions to one another. The skin on my left hand begins to burn and slices open. A silvery liquid begins to crawl out of the gash, causing blood to pour out of my hand. The metallic liquid reaches its point, forming the general shape of the sword before solidifying.

The spell now completed, the runes disappear and the candles go out; the sword falls to the ground. I breathe in sharply. I'd known separating from the sword would be painful but that had felt almost as bad as the Cruciatus Curse. That really wasn't all that surprising, though; the spell _did _come with a warning that one shouldn't join with something they didn't intend to live with forever.

"Harry?" I look up to find Albus leaning over me, concern in his eyes. "Severus, go get Madam Pomf-"

"Don't bother," I say, turning around and walking off.

I walk for nearly ten minutes before I become dizzy and have to sit down. I look at my blood-covered hand; perhaps I should have seen Pomfrey.

"Oh, well," I say as everything goes dark around me.

(To be continued…)

**(A/N) **I hope this chapter met with your satisfaction. Please review.

Questions that will be answered in the next chapter:

Why does Draco;

eat at the Gryffindor table?

live in the Room of Requirement?

no longer associating with the Slytherins?

And the biggest question of all:

How did Draco and Harry end up together?


	5. Broken Hearts

**(A/N) **General warnings and a disclaimer can be found in the first chapter. Thanks for the reviews!

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by S.N. Blade**

**Chapter 4:** Broken Hearts

I open my eyes, and everything slowly comes into focus. I groan. Why am I back in the infirmary? I try to sit up, practically screaming from the pain that shoots up my left arm. I fall back on the bed, panting. Gingerly, I use my right hand to lift up my left from the bed. It's covered in blood soaked bandages - no wonder it still hurts. I vaguely wonder why Pomfrey hasn't healed it yet. Then I remember how I got it: I used a separation spell to remove Godric's sword from my body.

"I don't know what you did to yourself this time, Mister Potter, but no spell I've cast has been able to fix that hand of yours," comes the stern voice of Madam Pomfrey.

"You shouldn't have bothered. No amount of magic is going to be able to heal this wound. Time is the only thing that can."

"What do you mean?" she inquires, coming over to clean the gash and change the bandages.

I hiss in pain as she begins to unwrap it. "When I assimilated the sword it became a part of me, not just physically but spiritually as well." I hiss again as she applies a cleaning agent to the cut. "The spell forcibly broke that bond. However, on some level I'm still connected to it, and until that connection dulls and disappears completely that cut will remain on my hand."

She looks at me in an odd fashion, probably wondering how I know so much. Honestly, this is the only perk of sharing my body with Godric; I gained all of his knowledge when he was assimilated into my body.

"Just think of it like finding your soul mate and then being torn away from him," I simplified. She nodded, resting my now clean and freshly bandaged hand back on the bed.

_"Are you referring to you and the sword, or to you and Draco?" _Godric pries.

_"Am I ever going to be rid of you?"_ I retort. I hate it when he pries, I'm just thankful he never eves-dropped when Draco and I were alone.

_"At the rate you are going? I doubt it."_

I growl at the obvious stab. _"I don't suppose it has ever crossed your mind that maybe I don't want things to go back to the way they were?"_

_"You know, you are getting very good at that."_

_"Good at what?"_

_"Lying to yourself."_

_"Bugger off."_

_"Sorry, I didn't swing that way in life, I'm not about to start in death." _I growl at him again.

"What on Earth are you doing?" Madam Pomfrey demands, looking me up and down as though I'm crazy.

"It's nothing," I tell her.

"Poppycock," she says walking over to the bed and placing her hand on my forehead. "People don't go around growling for no reason. You have a slight fever. I'm going to give you some medicine, and you _will_ take it Mister Potter," she tells me sternly before I can protest. "I won't have you die in here."

I sigh knowing that I don't have much of a choice. Knowing her, she'd force feed it to me, or worse, she'd complain to Albus and use my open wound as an excuse for him to lock me in here. Normally, I'd be able to simply break the spells he'd use, but in the state I'm in now I doubt I'd be able to, so I swallow my pride along with the foul tasting potion she brings me.

Not long after, I find myself feeling dopey and no longer able to prevent my mind from wandering. Why did it have to be the infirmary? It all began _and_ ended here.

_(Flash Back) _

I sat in one of the comfy blue infirmary chairs, my homework spread out on my lap and on the other chair beside me. I'd been there since the end of Transfiguration at two that afternoon. I sighed; having finished proof reading my essay on tracking charms for Professor Flitwick, my homework was then done. I looked up at the still form of Draco. He'd been unconscious for three days now and I'd been coming here each day to sit with him, mostly because Albus had asked me to, but also because no one else would.

I started packing up my things when I heard a groan come from the bed. I looked up to see him stirring. "Madam Pomfrey," I called out for the matron. Turning back to the bed I watched him open his eyes. He sat up and looked at me like I was a foreign creature he'd never seen before.

"Potter," he spat. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Now Mister Malfoy," Pomfrey said in a scolding tone, "that is no way to talk to the person who is most likely the reason you're still alive." She shook her finger at him. "If he hadn't found you, you'd probably have bled to death from that gouge in your side."

Draco looked away from both of us casting his eyes to the floor, not in shame or guilt or even embarrassment, but in melancholy, which both made sense and didn't at the same time.

_(Flash Back, Within a Flash Back)_

It was the fourth day of sixth year and I was walking towards the Room of Requirement intent on getting there early for the first meeting of the DA that year, only to end up never going. As I was coming up the stairs from the third floor, I could hear something going on just round the corner. Stopping to listen I realized it sounded like a fight.

"Oughf!"

"Stupid little traitor!" a boy grunted.

"Pathetic!" That time it was a girl.

"This is what you get for betraying the Dark Lord," another boy, sounding rather smug. All the while I could hear the sickening sound of flesh beating flesh.

Carefully peering around the corner, I saw the last thing I had ever expected to see – a gang of Slytherins beating the shit out of Draco Malfoy; and not just any gang of Slytherins, but his so-called friends - Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Blaise Zabini, and Theodore Nott. I found myself staring dumbly for a moment, unwilling to believe what I was seeing. I managed to come back to my senses when I heard Draco's head connect with the wall, accented by a rather gut wrenching crack.

I knew I wouldn't have a chance at fighting all five of them by myself and Draco needed help as quickly as possible.

"Nebulae Consternationis," I whispered. A white, semi-transparent mist came out of my wand and flew above the heads of Draco's assailants, bursting into a cloud of dust and floating down on them. Every one of them went white and, screaming, ran off in the opposite direction.

Coming out around the corner, I leaned down next to Draco. He was unconscious, bruised and battered, and his side was covered in blood that pooled out onto the floor. Grabbing my wand I cast another spell. "Avis Cursoris" A messenger bird flew out of my wand and hovered above me, awaiting instructions. "Go get me Madam Pomfrey." The bird then flew off towards the infirmary. Pulling a handkerchief out of my pocket, I covered the stab wound in his side, applying as much pressure as I could to stop the bleeding.

A few short minutes later I heard the slapping of feet on the stone floor and turned to see Madam Pomfrey running towards us.

_(End of flash Back, Within a Flash back)_

"I'm going down to dinner," I told Draco when Pomfrey had left to get him a pain reduction potion for his still healing side. "Is there anything you'd like me to bring back?" He simply ignored me. "Alright, but the infirmary food isn't exactly stellar, I should know," I told him, picking up my bag and heading to the exit. "See you in a little while." I waved over my shoulder as I left.

I returned around eight o'clock only to be ignored when I arrived. I didn't really want to be there, but I promised Albus, so I rolled my eyes and sat down in a chair to read a book. It was like that for the next few days, us ignoring each other. I read or did my homework, he fumed and complained, occasionally doing some of the work I brought him. We rarely spoke to each other, and when we did it went something like this:

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Draco would demand.

"Reading," I would state, not bothering to look at him.

"Go away, you're not welcome!" he would growl.

"That hasn't stopped me yet," I'd drawl.

"Bugger off."

"Sorry, I'm not interested in joining you in your sexual fantasies." He stopped, scrunching his face, his brow twitching in embarrassment. That's how a Malfoy expresses embarrassment. They don't blush; it's impossible to make a Malfoy blush, trust me, I've tried.

"Why you-!" Right about then Pomfrey would walk in and he'd shut up.

Towards the end of his stay he gave up on trying to get rid of me, which was nice, the verbal abuse had begun to grate on my nerves. It would all only begin from the start with a visit from Albus.

"Ah, Mister Malfoy, you're looking much better I see," Albus told him. "Madam Pomfrey has told me that you'll be released tomorrow, so I've had all of your things moved to the Room of Requirement as we had previously discussed." I raised an eyebrow at that; I'd wondered why he'd had me move the D.A. meetings to a first floor classroom. "However, for the sake of your person, I've deemed it necessary for you to have someone with you at all times, so, until further notice, Mister Potter will be accompanying you around the school."

"What?"

"Mister Potter," Albus continued holding up a hand, "is kindly giving up his free time to make sure you will be safe. These," he held out two small orange knit wristbands, "will allow you to tell him when you will require him and let me know if you are walking the corridors unattended." He handed us each one, gave a slight bow of the head and walking off, called, "Do try to play nice with each other."

As Albus walked off Draco gave me a malevolent smirk to tell me that "play nice" was not going to enter into this.

Over the next several weeks my life was none too pleasant. Draco had me running ragged all over the castle, escorting him places every ten to twenty minutes which meant I would get where I needed to go and then have to turn around to go back to get him. I had no time to myself or with my friends. I was just thankful, though, that Albus had talked to the teachers about what I was doing so I at least didn't get in trouble for being late to class.

By the end of the first week I was ready to rip off the stupid glowing wristband and dump it into the rubbish bin. It also didn't help matters that Draco was a real arse every time we met.

"What took you so long, Potter?" he'd demand. "I've been waiting here for five minutes."

"For the love of-" I'd breath in sharply. "What do you want now?"

"Be careful, Potter, we wouldn't want your high praising Headmaster to think your kindness is waning, now would we?" he would prod me. "Now come along, I need to go to the library." He'd walk off and I would trail behind him, rolling my eyes and trying to resist the urge to throttle him.

Draco's snide remarks weren't the worst part, oh no, not by a long shot. No, the worst part was the rumors, the ones that made me out to be Draco's little lap dog and plaything, which, in retrospect with what happened between us, shouldn't have bothered me; but at the time I was still in the denial stages, and I can't imagine anything worse for a teenage boy to go through. One particular event stands out in my mind.

"Well, look what we have here," came the voice of Blaise Zabini, "the Pathetic Pureblood and his Pansy-Arsed Gryffindor." The group of Slytherins around him snickered.

"Tell us Potter, is he gentle with you?" Pansy Parkinson called, and the group snickered again. Draco just stood there looking at them blankly while I tried in vain to ignore them.

"What's the matter," Theodore Nott called, "too shy to share Draco? You weren't like that while you were still part of Slytherin." They all laughed and I didn't understand why. It was clear that Draco did, however, in the way that he scrunched his brow.

I have to say, at the time, he quite impressed me. He didn't retort or try to hex them to save his pride, he just walked away. I followed him in amazement, noting that he wasn't acting like the Draco I knew at all.

That night I remember lying in bed for hours wondering at his behavior. I ran the whole encounter through my mind over and over again before I was able to fully come to the conclusion that maybe I didn't really know Draco Malfoy at all, that maybe the Draco I thought I knew was just a mask. That made me wonder why, then, after being ejected from his house, was he still wearing said mask? I came up with a myriad of reasons: anger over his ejection from his house; anger over the treatment he'd received from his so-called friends; maybe he had just been wearing that mask for so long that he didn't know how to go on without it anymore; or maybe he just really hated me. Maybe it was something more.

As I lay there, I decided that one way or another I was going to get some answers, and resolved not to let the mask get to me anymore.

Over the next week I refused to be drawn into Draco's little snits and did everything around him with a smile on my face. He'd yell and throw barbs at me constantly, trying to elicit some sort of a reaction, but I wouldn't let them bother me. It took a while, but eventually he gave up. He seemed to accept the fact that I wasn't going to respond to his hostility and that I had no intentions of going anywhere.

Not long after he realized that, he stopped calling me every ten minutes to go some place he didn't need to go, and we sort of set up a tentative schedule that worked for the both of us. I'd try every now and then to invite him into my day, covertly of course, by asking if he needed to go to the library that day and tag along, or I'd make sure we were the only ones without a partner in Potions or Care of Magical Creatures then partner with him; and little by little I watched his mask slip away. He was still brash and didn't hesitate to point out when I was being an idiot, but he wasn't intentionally cruel or confrontational. I finally knew I was breaking through and was fueled to keep going on.

October 10th.

It was the end of the day and Draco and I were walking towards the Room of Requirement where I'd drop him off and go down to dinner in the Great Hall - he never ate in the Great Hall. We got to his door, and as he was going in, I'd said, "G'night, Draco, see you tomorrow," as I always did, and turned away not expecting a response.

"G'night Harry." I'd thought I was dreaming. I turned, hearing the door click shut, and looked at the closed door. I stood there for a full minute in shock, and then smiled. I was getting through.

The next day I decided to press my luck.

I was standing outside the Charms classroom, waiting for Draco, five minutes before the end of my free period. The door opened and students began to pour out into the hall; soon Draco emerged. I joined him, walking down the hall towards the stairs leading up to the Library.

"How was Charms?" I'd hazarded, fully expecting to be brushed off.

"Boring." I was surprised, but still glad for even a one-word answer. "All we did was read our text today." I smiled; it turned out much better than I had thought it would.

I kept asking him about his classes and how his days went, and eventually he began to do the same. Although our conversations were simple and rather automatic, they felt comfortable, and with time they became less mundane until I was actually willing to consider that we might be becoming friends.

However, although we had become friendlier towards one another, I still wasn't satisfied. Sure, I'd gotten the answer to at least one of my questions, but I wanted to fully understand him. At the time I really didn't know why, I thought perhaps it was because on some level I knew how he felt; I knew what it was like not to have any friends and how it felt to be treated like I wasn't wanted.

We also were still rather regimental about our schedule. He always spent meal times in his room, he never went to the Great Hall, and our day always ended right before dinner. That, I felt, had to go as well.

We came in from the cold, late November weather, fresh from Care of Magical Creatures, and while everyone else was diverting to the great hall, Draco and I continued towards the stairs.

"Draco," I'd said, stopping. He stopped as well, looking at me with one eyebrow raised in question. "Why don't you ever eat in the Great Hall?"

"Have you lost it?" he asked incredulously. "There is no way I'm going to go eat at that little corner table Dumbledore set up, I'm already segregated enough from everybody else as it is." He snorted; so _that_ was it.

"Come on, you," I smirked at him. Grabbing hold of his wrist, I began dragging him into the Great Hall.

"Harry!" He was flabbergasted by my behavior and tried to wrench himself free. "What is wrong with you? Let go!" Even though I was drawing the attention of the entire Hall, I did not let go. I pulled him all the way over to the Gryffindor table where Ginny was seated across from Ron and Hermione.

"Ginny, could you move over a bit?" I'd asked her, and sat down leaving enough space for Draco between her and me. I then looked up at Draco, who was wearing an expression of utter bewilderment, and said to him, "What? You didn't actually think I was going to make you sit over in that corner all by yourself, did you?" I smiled, "Now sit down and eat." He scrunched up his face in embarrassment and I vaguely remember thinking he looked cute like that. Before he sat down next to me, staring at his plate, I patted him on the back and commented, "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Humph!" was his only response as he began to place some of the steaming hot food onto his plate. I did that every day until he stopped fighting me and accepted the fact that Gryffindor was adopting him.

As time went by I became more and more interested in learning what exactly made Draco tick, though I still couldn't put my finger on why I was so interested. It wasn't until the day Christmas holidays began that I finally got the answers to the rest of my questions.

It was almost noon; Draco and I had just come in from seeing Ron, Hermione and Ginny off at the station for the holidays. I was heading for the Great Hall when I realized Draco had stopped.

"Harry, I don't really feel like eating in there today," he told me; he'd seemed rather down all day. I nodded because I'd stopped expecting him to join me a while ago; it was now just a matter of choice.

"OK," I said, walking back over to him and following him up the stairs. Once on the seventh floor we arrived at his door and, as he was unlocking it, I said, "After lunch I'll be going to the DA room to write up some lesson plans for after the holidays. You know how to call me if you need me." I turned and began walking back towards the stairs.

"Harry," I stopped and turned back to him, "if you want..." He hesitated then tried again, "I mean, you could save some time, you know… and join me for lunch?"

"Sure," I smiled; he'd never bothered to invite me in before. The room was about eighteen by sixteen feet, the bed was a double, and the carpet was a dark shade of blue. There were bookcases along the far wall and a door on the other side of the bed, which I could see led to a private bathroom. A desk was set in a corner near the entrance and a mahogany coffee table sat in front of the purple couch next to the desk. I remember being vaguely envious of the private bathroom and double bed, but thought better of it when I remembered how Draco ended up with them.

Upon entering, Draco had gone over to the desk and rang a little bell, and within seconds a house-elf appeared. He began talking to it, I presume to tell him to bring us lunch, but I didn't hear what he said to him, though, as I was too busy looking over the room.

Draco then removed his heavy winter cloak and mittens, throwing them over his desk chair, gesturing for me to do the same. A few short seconds after I'd removed my winter gear, the house-elf returned carrying two servings of piping hot fish and chips, set them down on the coffee table and, with a bow, disappeared.

We'd sat on that sofa for a while, doing nothing but eating. After a sufficient period, I decided he wasn't going to fill me in so I just outright asked what I wanted to know.

"Draco, why didn't you want to eat in the Great Hall today?" I asked, bringing a chip smothered in tomato sauce to my mouth.

"I'm just not in the mood for Christmas," he shrugged, squirting mayonnaise on to his plate.

"Oh," I responded, and followed it with another question. "Is it because you're not going home for it?"

"It's none of your business!" he yelled. I was startled; he hadn't done anything like that in a while. I hazarded a look at him to find him hunched over, staring at his feet. It took me a few seconds to realize he was trembling.

"Draco?" I asked, taking hold of his shoulder. He looked up, his brow was scrunched and a few tears ran down his cheeks. "What-?"

"They don't want me," he said it so softly that I almost missed it. "No one does." I was overwhelmed with empathy upon realizing what he was saying, and without thinking, I pulled him into a hug. He tried to push away but I just held him tighter, and within seconds the floodgate broke. He quietly sobbed into my shirt, his whole body trembling. I just held him close, letting him cry.

Eventually he ran out of tears and just lay there hugging my midriff while I stroked his hair. I'd known he'd been thrown out of his house for not joining Voldemort, that much Albus had told me, but it had never even crossed my mind that his family had disowned him as well.

"It's not true you know," I told him.

"What?" he choked out.

"You _are_ wanted."

"Yeah, by who?" he asked, cynicism showing through.

"Me." It was such a simple answer that held so much. He looked up at me and I sat there looking at him, fully prepared for a cynical comeback; one never came. He just looked at me and before I knew it, our faces were separated by a mere centimeter of air. A centimeter that, in less than a second, was gone. It was a rather chaste kiss to tell the truth, and when he pulled away we both were at a loss.

"I...I," Draco's brow began to scrunch again, "Harry, I didn't mean to... that is..." I cupped his cheek, turning his face back towards mine, closing the distance between us again. Though the kiss was less chaste this time, it was still simple. I pulled away, looking at his slightly red and puffy face, and knew I could get used to kissing him.

"Don't worry," I told him smiling, "I liked it." His face relaxed into a small smile and I knew then that it was going to turn out to be my best Christmas yet.

_(End of Flash Back)_

That's how it started for us. If I hadn't been staying with him in the infirmary, I never would have gotten to know the real Draco Malfoy. We were brought together here, in this room, but we were also torn apart here.

_(Flash Back)_

I felt horrible, that was the first thing that registered, and the left side of my body felt weighed down. I opened my eyes and recognized the ceiling of the infirmary. Looking to the left I found what was weighing me down: curled up next to me on the cot was Draco, his head resting partially on my chest. I used my right hand to gently touch his cheek, wondering if I was dreaming.

"How can you still stand to be near me?" I asked the sleeping Draco.

I laid there for a long time, relishing in the feel of his skin on mine, feeling his presence beside me, and begging the world to let me stay like this, knowing it wasn't going to happen.

_'Harry, you have to go now,'_ Godric called to me. _'You have a lot to fix after what happened.'_ I closed my eyes, knowing he was right.

_(Flash Back, Within a Flash Back)_

I had suspected, even before joining Voldemort, that Albus had another spy in the Death Eater ranks. It had been confirmed by the Order's uncanny knowledge of what we were up to even after I'd safely gotten rid of Snape.

Voldemort had put me in charge of uprooting the spy. I had gone through all of them using Legilimency, but nothing turned up. However, it at least allowed me to rule out a fare number of Death Eaters, since they would have had to have a great mental strength to protect their minds. I had to resort to a more tedious method - the process of elimination. I began to pick groups of Death Eaters to join me in raids and council meetings, narrowing the field by seeing which raids and attacks were interrupted by the Order of the Phoenix. This eventually narrowed it down to the last person on Earth I would have suspected: Lucius Malfoy.

Shortly after I figured it out I was trying to find out how he did it, and how to get him out of Voldemort's reach safely. I began making passing comments to him, to indicate that I knew. However, he refused to take the hint, and I knew I had to resort to more drastic means if I intended to keep him alive.

I got my chance in early May. Lucius had gone to Hogwarts on School Board business and I sent a letter to Albus informing him that his little spy had been found out. I had also informed Voldemort, and he sent me with a group of four Death Eaters to kill Lucius.

I had hoped as I left the mansion that night with the squad of Death Eaters that Albus would receive the letter in time. I didn't want to have to kill anyone else.

Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed. The group of Death Eaters and I arrived outside the Hogwarts' wards just as Lucius was being tackled to the ground by Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Snape. I knew what I had to do, but I also doubted I would be able to pull it off.

"Well, what do we have here?" I asked the Death Eaters. "Five for the price of one? It must be our lucky day." The group around me snickered. I walked towards the others, who were all looking at me with anger, fear, hatred, and hurt. "You just don't get an opportunity like this every day, now do you?" I smirked down at them. "It's a good thing I sent that letter when I did, or I never would have gotten to have so many things to play with." I turned to the Death Eaters who were snickering at the prospect.

"Expelliarmus!" Five voices yelled at once and I went flying. I looked up to see the Death Eaters raising their wands. I was disoriented but I knew I had to get up.

"No!" I cried out getting to my feet and placing myself between my former friends and the Death Eaters. I erected a shield, pouring all the magical energy I had into it. Four killing curses, cast by the Death Eaters, struck it hard and bounced back to their casters. I fell to my knees, gasping for air, trying not to pass out.

"Harry?" I heard a trembling voice come from behind me, and I sighed in relief; they were alive.

"Are you...all alright?" I asked.

"Y..Yes"

"Good," I forced my weak body to stand and I staggered over to the prone forms of the Death Eaters, all of who were dead. "Bollocks," I said weakly as my body crumbled to the ground.

_(End of Flash Back Within a Flash Back)_

I took one last look at Draco's peaceful form, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. Moving my right hand back a bit I let the magical energy flow through it and levitated Draco off of me and the bed. Getting out of the bed, I carefully replaced him on the cot, hoping he wasn't going to wake up as I pulled the covers over him.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. I stopped and looked at my hand; the veins were showing on it. I quickly pulled off the pajama top they'd put me in, cursing colorfully upon finding that the Glamour charm I'd placed upon myself to hide the veins had indeed been removed from my person. I replaced the charm and grabbed my shirt from the chair next to the bed, pulling it on as I exited the cubical. I stopped when I found Albus on the other side.

"I should have known." I cursed to myself. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to know that his whole change of yours is an act," he told me. I cursed to myself again. "I don't suppose you'd care to explain what Godric Gryffindor is doing in your body?" I cursed to myself yet again. How in the hell had he found out?

"Out of my way, old man." I demanded, "I don't have time for you." I walked past him.

"Don't you think you owe us some sort of explanation?" he questioned, grabbing hold of my arm. "After everything you've already done, it is your responsibility to us."

"You're one to talk about responsibility," I spat at him, "turning a blind eye often enough to the suffering of others because it suited the purposes of your order!" I growled at him, "What right do you have to criticize me?" I tore my arm out of his grip. "I don't expect you to understand." I heard the creaking of the door and turned to see Lucius, Minerva, Pomfrey, Snape, Ron and Hermione entering the infirmary. I then heard the screech of wheels and turned to see Draco emerge from the cubical.

I turned, heading towards the door. Ron and Hermione ran out in front of me, blocking my path.

"Hold it right there!" Hermione commanded. "You don't get to go running off this time." I stopped, looking long and hard at them.

"You need to fess up, mate," Ron told me.

"I don't have the time." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose again. "I've already screwed this up enough. I'll be lucky if it doesn't get you all killed." They looked at me, their expressions softening. It looked like I'd put them at ease, confirming that I'm still on their side. "I have to go, and hope to God I can think of a plausible explanation for all of this to tell Voldemort."

I start to walk away, but two long arms wrap around my waist, holding me back.

"Don't go." I close my eyes, recognizing Draco's voice, barely a whisper. "Please explain all of this."

"Let go of me, Draconis," I told him, almost wishing he wouldn't.

"No," he said, his voice almost a sob, "I'm not letting you go back there."

"That's not your decision to make."

"Please, Harry." I can hear the pain his voice. "I can't keep going on like this..." He breathed in, "I need you here."

I wanted so much to reach out to him, to hold him, but I couldn't knowing that if I did, I'd stay, and he'd die. I could not let that happen.

"Let go of me," I told him again, trying to pull away.

"No!" He gripped me tighter to him, "I-".

"Don't!" I gritted my teeth trying not to give in. "Please don't, Draco." I begged him, "Don't make this any harder than it already is." I breathed in. "Just let me go," and his arms slipped away from me. I could feel both of our hearts breaking.

I then walked to the door, stopping in the entranceway. "This is almost over. I hope you're ready," I told them, and without so much as a backward glance, I left.

_(End of Flash Back)_

(To be continued…)

**(A/N) **Satisfactory? Yes, no?

Next - We learn about the final battle! And what happened to Lord Voldemort. In **Chapter 5:** The Fall of Tyranny

**Latin Words**

1 Nebulae - cloud / Consternationis - fear

2 Avis - bird / Cursoris - messenger


	6. The Fall of Tyranny

**(A/N)** General warnings and a disclaimer can be found in the first chapter. Your reviews are much appreciated, thanks.

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by S.N. Blade**

**Chapter 5:** The Fall of Tyranny

I've been sitting in this office, waiting for Albus to arrive, for nearly thirty minutes. I tug at the collar of my black turtleneck, trying to relieve some of the discomfort caused by the warmth of the room. I find myself wishing that I had magic to spare for a cooling charm, but the barely healed gash in my left hand makes it nearly impossible. I can't risk draining myself of all my energy; the last thing I want is to end up going back to the infirmary. That unfortunately means no glamour charms either, hence the turtleneck.

The palms of my hands are sweating profusely in my black leather gloves and I briefly consider removing them. I end up deciding against it; I hate looking at those veins, and I don't think Albus really needs to see them.

Speaking of Albus, where is he? He had better not have forgotten that he asked me to come here. I hate wasting time, not that I have anything better to do. What I really don't like is being in his office. It makes me feel too much like a child again.

I hear the door creek open and turn to find Albus walking into the room carrying three thick rolls of parchment.

"Oh good, you're here," he says, putting the rolls down on his desk. "I assume you know what these are?" He is gesturing towards the rolls.

I nod. Those are filled with the names of the people who died in all of this, and I'm responsible for most of them. He holds out what I assume must be the first part of the list. I take it from him, removing the band but keeping it rolled up. Unfurling it, I'm not surprised to find that it's more than six feet long.

Albus moves out of my line of site as I begin to read through the list, checking off in my head the names of my victims.

I'm well into the second roll when I come to the name that I wish I could forget most of all: Minerva McGonagall.

_(Flash Back)_

I remember when I first heard the news, that Dumbledore's "bitch" had been captured; I was shocked and disheartened. Voldemort had told me himself and had bestowed the "honor" of disposing of her on me. I knew I didn't have a choice. If I declined, Voldemort would have more reason to suspect me of being an infiltrator and would have killed us both.

When I entered the cell she was being held in, there was thick silence between us. She was battered and bruised, and had obviously been through a lot of curses, things that could have crushed the spirits of anyone; not her though. No, she was far too strong for that. The Death Eaters couldn't see it, all they saw was a broken woman on the verge of losing her sanity. Only I could see that there was no fear, nor shame in her eyes, just steadfast resignation.

She knew as well as I did that she had to die. It was her life or everyone else's, and she had accepted that. I raised my wand, casting my spell; the life in her eyes was gone in an instant.

Two days later, Voldemort had decided the time had come to bring down Hogwarts, the last place that posed any threat to his plans. His preparations were only hours from completion and he took me along to witness the delivery of the open declaration of war: Minerva's body.

We watched from a hill just outside the Castle grounds, using a magnification spell to allow us to watch the "festivities". I remember looking on as a unicorn dragged her corpse across the grounds; it let out a shill cry, drawing in the attention of the entire castle.

The unicorn was so crazed over being in such proximity to a dead body that it took the combined forces of several staff members to subdue it long enough to remove the large black bundle that contained Minerva's body.

Albus had cast a splitting charm on the bundle, which tore open the cloth to reveal Minerva's corpse and also released the Morsmordre charm. The Dark Mark formed in the sky over the castle. I could almost hear the gasps and cries rise up from the entire school only to be drowned out by a wail of utter misery.

It was the only time I had every seen Albus lose complete control over his emotions; I never care to again. He had broken down, sobbing as he clutched Minerva's lifeless form. His entire body was shaking from the shock and racked with sobs.

I felt sick to my stomach. I truly realized what I had become then as I finally grasped what it was to destroy a human being. I had been able to ignore so many of my sins until that moment. I used the "greater good" as a way to justify what I was doing. How many other people had I done this to? How many people had I killed? How many people had I yet to kill? It was only then when I finally faced reality, that I truly understood what a monster I'd become.

I had been such a fool to actually have believed that I could some how go back to who I was when this was over; to have been so arrogant as to think that I would have any right to; to have been so blind as not to realize that the only difference between Voldemort and I was that I thought I was better, morally in the right, when all I really am a murderer, just as guilty as he was.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I hasten through the remainder of the list hoping to avoid bringing up any more painful memories.

Rolling up the final piece of parchment, I place it upon Albus' desk. Sitting back in my chair, I try to prevent the onslaught of memories from rising to the surface.

Thankfully, Albus returns from Merlin knows where in the back of his office - I had barley realized he'd left. Glad for the distraction, though I am, I really wish he hadn't brought Voldemort.

The head of the most infamous wizard since Grindewald is bound and preserved within a magically sealed bell jar where it will remain for the rest of eternity, keeping Voldemort's essence safely locked away.

Albus holds out the glass case to me and I reluctantly take it.

_(Flash Back)_

The day had finally come, the day it would all end. It was evening and I was waiting amidst the trees of the Forbidden Forest on the grounds of Hogwarts, waiting for the battle to begin.

I looked upon the only place I had ever been able to truly call home, a home that was about to turn into a battlefield, a home I'd never be able to go back to. The rustling of robes behind me drew my attention. Turning around, I met the flaming red eyes of the scaly-faced Voldemort.

He nodded to me, and pointing my "wand" skyward, I cast the Morsmordre charm; for the second time that day the Dark Mark materialized in the sky above Hogwarts.

The main doors of the castle flew open, the majority of the staff and upper year students filing out in front of the school while at the same time the Death Eaters and a wide variety of the Wizarding World's undesirables apparated just outside the main gates.

Most of the battle was a blur. I can't remember which side fired off the first spell, or how both sides ended up amidst each other. I don't know where the first fighter fell, or even whose side they were on. I was far more concerned with the task at hand.

Unlike myself, Voldemort was enthralled with the battle. He was muttering to himself, praising himself and the Death Eaters as each member of "Dumbledore's Wretched Order" fell. With his attention drawn away I came up behind him, releasing Godric's sword into my left hand, and thrust it downward through the evil bastard's torso. I sliced his withered heart in two. As he fell to his knees I placed my right hand firmly on the back of his head, casting a bonding and perpetuity spell, firmly binding his essence to his now eternal mind.

With the spells cast I took hold of the sword and yanked it free from his form. Voldemort turned shocked eyes on me as I brought back the sword to take a full swing. His head rolled several feet before stopping beneath a chestnut tree.

We'd been right; Voldemort had been so immersed in his pursuit for complete immunity from magical incursion that he had failed to protect himself from a more hands on approach. He hadn't been able to make his body immortal, only his psyche couldn't be destroyed. If it had been allowed to escape, he would have had all the time in the world to rebuild himself, and the cycle would never have ended.

Having no time to waste, I levitated the larger part of his now deceased form behind a rather large oak not ten feet away. There I uncovered my invisibility cloak, that of which I placed over the corpse. Then as I was removing my black cloak, I retrieved the head. Once it had been safely bundled inside the cloak, I banished it to the Great Hall.

Throwing my useless wand to the ground, I re-released Godric's sword and headed towards the battlefield.

_(End of Flash Back)_

"Minister Fudge will be here shortly," Albus' voice brings me out of my memories, "to collect Tom and the list. I think it would be a good idea if you were the one to present him with the head."

"Hmm," I look down at the leathery face of Voldemort again. "Are you certain that's a good idea? He's been after me for a while."

"I think it would do well to remind him that you are the one responsible for the fall of Voldemort."

"And that I'm responsible for the deaths of a large portion of the names on that list," I reminded him, inclining my head towards the rolls of parchment sitting on his desk.

"All of those people and more would have died anyway, Harry." A shadow crosses his eyes and I know he's thinking of Minerva. "It was all for the best."

"I don't know how you can believe that."

"I don't blame you, Harry." He rests his hand on my shoulder and I look up at him. I can't see anything but honesty and sadness in his eyes.

"You know, it-"

"It doesn't matter," he tells me, "she's gone now. Nothing can change that. I've made my peace with it Harry, and you need to as well."

A short knock at the door grabs our attention.

"Yes?" Albus calls.

The door swings open to reveal Snape. "The Minister has arrived. He's waiting out on the grounds."

"Very well. Severus if you would," Albus requests, holding out the rolls of parchment to him. Snape accepts them, and Albus then turns to me. "Harry, if you would bring Tom, please," he requests, gesturing at the glass casing in my hands.

Once outside the castle we head towards the main gate. I can spot Fudge's lime green bowler hat from the steps on which I stand.

Once we're within ten feet of Fudge and his entourage of five Aurors, he removes his hat and greets Albus. "Dumbledore."

"Minister Fudge," Albus replies.

"I trust you have the final tally of the unfortunately deceased?" Fudge inquires, ignoring both Snape and me.

"Yes. Severus, if you would." Snape steps forward, handing off the rolls of parchment to the nearest Auror who stands to the right of Fudge.

"Good, good. And I presume you have someone else as well," Fudge inquires, the disdain evident in his voice.

"Yes, of course. Harry has Voldemort." Fudge frowns, "Since he is the one to be accredited for Tom's demise, I'm sure." There's a hint of command in Albus' voice, causing Fudge's frown to deepen. The Auror to Fudge's left steps forward, taking from me the bell jar containing Voldemort's head.

"I trust he is well contained?" Fudge gestures towards Voldemort's head, choosing to ignore Albus' comment.

"Yes, it has all the necessary charms to make certain that Lord Voldemort does not rise again," Albus replies.

"Good. Then there is only one other matter to which I need to attend." Without looking back, Fudge waves to one of the Aurors behind him.

"And that would be?" Albus raises his eyebrows in question.

"To see that justice is served." With those words Fudge and his entourage draw their wands.

I move to erect a shield when a searing pain flares up across my entire body. Out of the corner of my eye I see four of the five Aurors disarming Albus and Snape.

"Fudge, what is the meaning of this!" I hear Albus demanding.

"Harry Potter is going to be held accountable for his crimes!" Fudge nearly yells at Albus. "I will not allow you to interfere."

"You cannot honestly still be considering charging him with being a Death Eater," Albus returns.

Their argument fades out as the pain increases. I fall to my knees. I hear Fudge speak my name and force myself to focus.

"…since you are too dangerous to be taken to the Ministry, you will go on trial here for the murders you have committed."

"This is insanity, Fudge! You do not have the right to play judge and jury of your own accord! The-"

"In times of war, the Minister…" Fudge's voice fades out again. I shake my head, and as Fudge moves to the side in the heat of his argument, I see the cause of my current state. I have to blink several times to be certain that what I'm seeing isn't a hallucination, but I realize that it has to be real; the Auror directly behind Fudge is holding a Terra-Orbis.

Fudge truly is a fool. He's using the powers of a Terra-Orbis to debilitate me so he doesn't have to worry about me trying to escape. I would be in trouble if the Auror using it knew what he was doing, but luckily for me the idiot is holding it the wrong way; I just can't help myself, I begin to laugh.

My laughter draws Fudge and Albus away from their argument. "Fudge, you really are an idiot." I can see Fudge turning red in the face, and to add injury to insult, I wait till he steps into the path between me and the orb. "_Accio Orbis_!" The orb knocks Fudge out of the way before landing in the palm of my right hand.

I straighten up. "Thanks, I've been in need of one of these." I place my left hand on top of the orb - an inverted mirroring of my right - spreading the fingers of both my hands.

"Stop him!" I hear Fudge scream, but unfortunately for him, Godric does know how to use one of these, which means so do I. Willing the orb to cast a disarming spell, a pulse-like shockwave emanates from the very heart of the orb, throwing the Minister and his Aurors away from me.

Wasting no time I begin to chant an eradication spell, intending to evict Godric from my body for good. As I continue the chant I can feel magical energy sucking in around me, being drawn into the orb.

I hear shouting and raise my eyes to see several nullification spells barreling towards me. However, the power of the orb is far too great and the spells are sucked into its charging core.

As I chant the final phrase of the complex spell I can feel the orb begin to pull on my magical energies to supplement the spells' needs. The wrongness of the feeling makes me want to break contact, but closing my eyes I will myself not to let go knowing that I will not be afforded the luxury to perform the spell again.

"Potter!"

"Harry!"

I hear voices coming form all around me.

The pull from the orb changes by increasing in force. A tingling sensation begins to flow through my body in waves, passing most forcefully through the veins crisscrossing it.

The orb heats up and sharp pulses begin to burst from my body. I can partially hear what sounds like gasps followed by screams nearby; which, I briefly realize, are coming from me.

A final massive pulse bursts forth, the orb dislodging from my hands, and as the darkness overcomes me, I have a feeling that something has gone horribly wrong.

(To be concluded…)

**(A/N)** I hope you liked this chapter, and can find it your heart to review.

Next - Harry's spell takes an unexpected turn, in the next installment of _The Hardest Choices,_ **Chapter 6:** The Unexpected


	7. The Unexpected

**(A/N) **General warnings and a disclaimer can be found in the first chapter.

Sorry to say but this chapter hasn't been beta read. S.N. Blade never got back to me with it (it's been written for over a year); I don't blame her though, I did drop off the face of the earth for a while due to family issues. So if there are problems (and there probably are) I apologize. If someone wants to fix it and the last chapter I will gladly welcome the help.

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by …?**

**Chapter 6:** The Unexpected

The air is stagnant, filled with dust collected over thousands of years. I'm walking down a hall of chiseled stone, the light from my lantern flickers, casting shadows on the ornately carved and painted walls, that in truth I really don't need it to find my way down here.

"Mister Potter," a voice calls out to me as I pass an adjoining corridor, "the chamber is this way." I look back over my shoulder at the one who's responsible for dragging me here, a goblin by the name Hoches.

"I'm aware of that," I tell him in a bland tone as I turn back to continue on my way.

I can here Hoches and his team shuffling around behind me, probably trying to decide if they should follow me or use another tactic to get me to the burial chamber. After a time I can hear two sets of footfalls trailing behind me. I guess the compromise of splitting up works just as well. I hope that the neither of the two following me happens to be Bill; I don't want to have to deal with him if I can avoid it.

_(Flash Back)_

I wiped the last of the shaving cream off, and glancing at my stubble free face I realized I'd finally started to know the visage staring back at me as my own. Six months ago I'd found myself startled every time I looked in a mirror, it took me a while to remember I was looking at myself, and not some stranger.

A sharp rap on at the door pulled me from my musings and morning routine. I walked from the bathroom across the living room, tossing the towel on the couch as I reached for the door handle. A brief switch in my visual perception told me the person on the other side didn't have a wand or any other magically charged items, so I opened the door assuming I was going to find a solicitor, a neighbor, or both on the other side. No such luck. Really, you would have thought by now that I'd be used to disappointment.

A three-foot nothing goblin in a brown suite had stood on my stoop. It's times like that that make me wish I could see even the outline of the objects I'm looking through.

"Mister Potter, you are a very difficult man to get a hold of." He said, looking up at me. "I am Hoches, a senior member of the Gringotts Wizard's Bank, and the Senior Director of the Gringotts' Curse Breaking League." He continued. "I am in need of your assistance."

"I'm afraid you have the wrong address. The Potters live five houses down that way." I gave him a little smile to throw him off, while gesturing to my left. "This was their house about a year ago." I wasn't lying. The fact that someone had the same last name as my former self was why I picked this particular out of the way little village, not to mention my current abode.

He didn't buy into my practiced charade for a second. But really, what was I expecting from a Goblin; those tiny buggers can smell a con from half a block away. And this particular Goblin had no doubt he was in the right place. I sighed, dropping the good-natured towny act.

"Being hard to 'get a hold of' generally means the person in question doesn't want to be bothered." I told him flatly, staring straight into his beady little eyes. "And I don't. Good day." I began to close the door when a small foot got in my way.

"Mister Potter!" He shouted, "I need your help! It's a matter of life and death!" I had been in the process of dislodging his foot when he exclaimed that. Needless to say it gave me pause. Closing my eyes I let out a small sigh, opening the door once again.

"Hurry up and tell me what it is you've come to say." I looked down at him again.

He sighed in relief and asked to come in. Since I'd already resigned myself to listening to him, I figured I might as well be sitting inside rather than standing at the door, so I let him in.

"Mister Potter," he began as I took a seat at the kitchen table, "I know that this is a gross invasion of your privacy, which you have gone to great lengths in order to maintain, but the situation is getting desperate."

I frowned at him. I went through a lot of trouble to make Harry Potter disappear, switching all of my business to non-magical proprietors – though that was as much to do with the fact that I can't use magic anymore as my wanting to vanish – and then moving to a small town you'd be hard pressed to find on a map. I even went so far as to change my name, and still I can't escape them. I'm going to have to complain, the ministry is not supposed to be handing out my information.

"You see, there was an accident at a recent excavation in Egypt's Western Desert," He said, reaching into his pocket to pull out a photograph, "there were traps we weren't prepared for," a _Muggle photograph_, "some of the team is still trapped inside and we are unable to get them out." which he handed to me. The picture was a bird's eye view of a massive pit, with what appeared to be a half buried pyramid in it.

The simple fact that he brought a Muggle photograph spoke volumes of the information he had obtained about my condition. Not to mention he'd even gone so far as to ware non-magically made clothing, and rid his person of magical artifacts. Another thing I'm going to have to chew the Ministry out for, people aren't supposed to know I'm a Voromagus.

"A trap was triggered in one of the lesser burial chambers that caused the pyramid to seal it self off with seven of the team members still inside. Despite our best efforts all we've been able to do is open the entrance to the pyramid again, and even now it still has to be watched since some rhythmic spell keeps trying to shut it again." He sighed in frustration. "It's been 37 hours already, the team will not last much longer in there. Without your help Mister Potter, I can guarantee that seven people will die."

I hate this. I hate being made the solution to someone's problems, but I also hate being responsible for the deaths of others. I stared at him for a long time. He said nothing more, staring right back, begging with his eyes. I knew he was desperate. He'd probably had to call on everyone he knows, using favors and threats just to get my address.

I stood up walking to the coat rack by the door, pulling on my tan colored trench I glanced back at him, "I hope you have a fast Muggle means of transportation."

He didn't hesitate, moving out onto the stoop as I opened the door. "I had a plane prepared at the air strip outside the next town to bring us to the London airport, where a jet will be waiting to take us to Luxor." He said all this hurrying to the black car parked across the street; he moves rather quickly for having such short legs. "From there we will go by jeep to the pyramid. It will take about 14 hours to arrive." He got in the car; his driver closed the door behind him before opening the back door for me. "I cannot thank you enough for this Mister Potter." Hoches told me looking back from the front seat as I got in the car.

"I must remember to give Bill a raise for telling me about you." He turned to face forward as my stomach did an impressive feat of acrobatics.

"Do you by any chance mean Bill Weasley?" I asked, wishing I could go back to my house that instant.

"Why yes, he said his sister went to Hogwarts with you." At his reply I found myself hoping that we'd never arrive at our destination.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I move slowly, but purposefully down the long and empty corridor, my footsteps resounding on the smooth stone floor. As I move deeper and deeper into the heart of the pyramid the air becomes staler, making it a little difficult to breath.

Up ahead I can see a sealed door; this is where the magical streams in the walls have directed me. I stop briefly to put my lantern down, and glance back at the two fellows behind me, one is an average height, bespectacled Curse Tracker by the name of Ramsden, and the other I'm glad to see isn't Bill, but Hoches.

Facing the door I fully switch my visual perception, which shows me the ripples of magic flowing through out the door, and reveals an even greater source behind it; that must be the magical power cell keeping the spells in the pyramid fed and working. Focusing on it I can follow the flow of energies through the entire pyramid, when normally I can only see them so far as about ten feet through solid objects. This is worrisome, the network of spells covering this place is extensive; the trails leading away from the core extend to every corner of the pyramid. No wonder the Curse Breakers couldn't get passed the spells, this "battery" looks like it could feed this place steadily for a century or more; meaning this is really going to hurt.

"This could be a very bad idea." I say glancing at Hoches. "The magic here is woven into the structure. I don't know what removing it will do to the stability of the pyramid, it my just fall apart."

"We've considered that, and it is a risk we're all willing to take." His voice tells me he's sure, "However, you are not obligated to risk your life here Mister Potter." I can tell he didn't want to say that, but we both know if I really want to I can walk away.

I'm already here and there's not point in my leaving only to feel guilty about it later. "You need to step back." I tell them over my shoulder, "With this much energy involved I'm not sure what's going to happen."

I hear a brief shuffling of feet on the stone floor. Moving forward I roll the right sleeve of my casual shirt up past the elbow. I'm really not wearing desert appropriate attire, but then who would get dressed in the morning expecting to be dragged to another continent before getting the chance to eat breakfast.

Standing in front of the stone door I run my right hand through my salt and pepper hair, and take a deep breath to calm my nerves. Lowering my hand, I hesitate only a moment before pressing it flat against the cold stone. The reaction is instantaneous. A sensation like fire shoots up my hand, burning, screaming through my veins and nerves. Light flashes, dancing up my arm, engulfing me in a storm of magical energy. I would pull my hand away if I could, but it feels as if it's glued in place. I would scream, but my muscles are spasming and I have no control.

Then, just as suddenly as it had begun it ends, my body sucks in the last of the magical energies, and I am released. I throw out my left hand, using the door in front of me for support as I slowly slide down, my knees pressing into the stone floor. I'm breathing heavily trying to adjust to the to raging sensations still flowing through my body, waiting for the racing of my heart to slow.

A scraping of shoes on stone grabs my attention, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yell, my voice ragged. My labored breathing punctuates the following silence, "I…I need…time to…adjust." I'm trembling, but I manage to force the words out in a more normal tone. "Go help your friends." I swallow, "I'll follow when I can stand."

"Alright." Hoches concedes and I'm able to relax a little as I hear him and Ramsden walking away. The light from my lantern continues its' flickering as I rest my forehead on the back of my left hand. My right hand pulses with the magic I've just absorbed, a sensation I doubt I'll ever get used to.

_(Flash Back)_

I fell back, my breath coming in ragged gasps. I was shaking, lost in the horrible sensations running through my body. My chest felt constricted, my skin tingling, I was disoriented.

"Harry can you hear me?" I was being touched, my body burned where the hands pressed into my skin. Without thinking I pushed them away hearing a crash. I curled into ball, clutching my chest, breathing heavily.

"Harry?" My heart was slowing down, as was my breathing. I heard the voice and turning to it I found Alice regarding me concernedly. She's a tall, skinny, mousy looking older woman who wears the dullest clothes you can think of.

"What happened?" I managed to ask, still not feeling right.

"That's what I would like to know." She began ringing her hands, "You went all rigid and Dr. Morgan said your heart stopped." She looked across my cot, and turning I saw a disheveled Dr. Morgan. He's a graying middle-aged muggle doctor with an affinity for the typical white coat of his profession. He's also apparently a specialist used for consultations by the Ministry of Magic in regards to muggle maladies, and epidemics.

"What happened to you?" I asked him.

"You," he replied, straightening his clothes. That crash I heard must have been him hitting the floor when I shoved him away. He walked over to one of the machines I was hooked up to. "Your heart stopped for about ten second." He told me, examining a strip of paper streaming out of the heart monitor. "It then spontaneously restarted. Which mean your life was in serious danger."

"Harry, perhaps we should stop for today." Alice looked at me, ringing her hands more nervously. "Or at the very least we should go back to small steps." I starred at her for a long time.

"No," I finally told her shaking my head. "Small steps got us nowhere. We spent almost a month using weakly charmed objects with no significant changes. If we're going to make heads or tales of my condition we need some kind of reaction other than tiny static shocks that do little more than surprise me; hell they don't even do that anymore." I ran my left hand through my hair while flexing my right, rotating it at the wrist. I had felt my heart stop, no, not just my heart my entire body, in that brief instant I couldn't even breathe. It scared me, but I had to know what this meant, how it affected me, 'cause I sure as hell was not going to spend the rest of my life in a bloody hospital bed.

"Harry, I understand your feel about this, but if-"

"Do you? Do you really?" I cut Alice off, "Do you know what it's like to not be able to stand up without feeling faint? Or what it's like to not be able to do magic or even be around it anymore?" I looked at her in disbelief that she could even think to understand, "If I stay like this I will never be able to leave this hospital. And that is not something I am prepared to do." She looks at me clearly struggling with both her conscience and her desire to know more about the state of my body.

"If this incident is any indication, Harry," Dr. Morgan intervened, "a greater amount of magical energy could take your life."

"If nothing changes this won't be much a life." He sighed at my reply.

"What's wrong with your hand?" He suddenly asked, looking intently at my still flexing right hand; I hadn't even realized I was still moving it.

"Nothing. It just feels strange that's all." I didn't still my hand.

"'Strange' how?" Alice immediately asked.

"I don't know. It's uncomfortable." I shifted, never stopping my hands movements. "Moving it makes it less so."

"Can you stop moving it? I'd like to take a look." I sighed stretching my arm out to Dr. Morgan, and with some effort managed to still it.

"Can you describe the sensation?" Alice had switched back to her inquisitive and excitable self, pen and pad at the ready. She'd been so annoyed with that notebook and ballpoint at first, she longed for her quill and parchment, but nothing with magical residue on it could be too near me. Focusing on the sensation in my hand I tried to find a way to explain it.

"It feels like pins and needle, as though my hand is asleep and just waking up," I had my eyes closed, "but it grows and reseeds, like its' pulsing."

"I want to run some tests." Dr. Morgan decided; I rolled my eyes knowing 'some' meant a wide range.

_(End of Flash Back)_

My heart finally slows to a more normal pace, and my trembling muscles still, but the pulsing in my right hand continues. I figure that with the amount of energy my body's just devoured it'll probably last for quite a few hours.

_(Flash Back)_

The tests, when they were finally finished, god Muggle tests take forever, revealed absolutely nothing about the pulsing in my right hand. Admittedly, it probably didn't help that that pulsing had stopped after maybe 10 minutes. So naturally, that led to more testing.

A month long cycle of me absorbing mid level charms, my heart stopping and restarting, followed by immediate testing while the after effects still lingered occurred. It wouldn't have taken so long if Dr. Morgan and Alice hadn't insisted that I absorb only one charm per day. I understand it was to minimize the risks, but really it would have been nice to get it done sooner. But at least in the end we got our answer.

"The only thing I can tell you is that there is foreign matter in your body." Dr. Morgan flipped through some papers, stopping at the last page, "But none of the test have been able to identify it." He shook his head in what appeared to be a cross between frustration and bewilderment.

"Foreign matter?" That was somewhat unexpected.

"Yes."

"Show him the pictures." Alice was pacing back and forth her pen scribbling away on her pad, documenting everything. Dr. Morgan took the large folder out from under his arm and removed some darkish films, which he put on the light box on the wall near the door. The light illuminated several images of my right hand.

"As you can see there is variation in both the soft and hard tissue structure." He pointed out the various dark areas on each of the films. "Further tests revealed that this is present throughout your whole body. However, the greatest concentration is here in the right hand." In that moment I realized what was going on.

"That's my wand core."

_(End of Flash Back)_

Using the door for support I manage to get to my feet. Dizziness and slight nausea creep up on me as I try to take the few steps to pick up my lantern. That's certainly new; I make a mental note to tell Alice and Dr. Morgan when I get back to London. I manage to get to the lamp with some difficulty, this time having to use the wall to hold myself steady.

Keeping one hand on the wall, the other holding the lantern limply at my side, I slowly make my way back down the hall.

By the time I come to junction leading down to the chamber of trapped people, I can hear echoes of voices; they sound rather relived. I decide, unsteady as I am, that I'll just be in the way, so I continue on towards the exit.

The flickering torches lights in the camp are hard to see by in the pitch-black desert night, but I still manage to make my way to the wash tent. Inside, the small oil lamps burn brighter hurting my eyes. I sigh heavily, leaning on the small table for support, before filling the basin with water from the jug beside the bowl. Submerging my face in the cooling water repeatedly the dizziness slowly fades and I manage to regain myself a little.

A din of voices passes by my tent; they're talking about how good it is to be outside again, about being trapped and joking about how they'd never been so glad to see their boss before.

A small smile creeps up on me before I even realize it; I did the right thing coming here, despite how much I'd rather the world just forgot about me. And Bill hasn't tried to corner me either, so this is going a lot better than I expected.

I wait until the voices become more distant before I leave the tent to find Hoches, in the hope that I can get a ride back to the airport. I'd like to get to London so I can get some necessities unavailable in the middle of nowhere that is now my home; I should have time before my appointment with Alice and Dr. Morgan.

I find Hoches talking with a woman I haven't been introduced to. The minute he notices me he ends his conversation.

"Mr. Potter, I cannot thank you enough for what you've done." He reaches his small hand up to me and I take it. "It was rather amazing what you did. I am forever in your in debt. By the way, how are you feeling?"

"I've been better, but I'll live." I release his hand and stand upright again. "Is everyone all right?"

"Oh they should be fine; just suffering a bit from shock and dehydration, nothing a few days of medical attention can't fix."

"That's good." I tilt my head in acknowledgement. "I'm wondering though, with all that's happened is there anyway you can spare someone to get me back to the airport tonight? There are some things I have to take care of in London."

"Tonight?" He seems like he's going to turn me down. "Well I'm not entirely sure. It can be dangerous to drive through the desert at night; do you have to leave now? The airplane is private; it isn't as though it will leave without you."

"I have an appointment to keep."

"Well I suppo-"

"I'll take him." I turn towards that voice, even though I know whom it is. What was it I said about Bill not trying to corner me?

"Thank you for the offer Bill but you're needed here." I almost sigh in relief; it looks like I'm not going to be sitting in the hot seat tonight.

"For what exactly? I'm a Curse Breaker not an archeologist, and now that there are no curses _to_ break, how helpful can I be."

"I see your point." Hoches shrugs, "Well there you are Mr. Potter. Thank you again for your help."

Damn it. I really need to stop tempting fate. I eye Bill cautiously as Hoches walks away.

"Well since you're in as hurry, we should get going," and with that Bill walks towards the patch of sand used as a car park, I follow reluctantly.

The next hour is uneventful, if highly uncomfortable. It's strange how silence can be so unnerving at times. I'm rather surprised Bill hasn't tried to kill me yet, demand an apology or even talk about Ginny.

"You didn't have to leave you know." Of all the things he could have said to me that was the last thing I expected. I in all honesty don't know how to respond.

"Ginny told us everything."

I swallow hard.

"She said she could feel it all, your thoughts, your emotions. She told us about what you went through trying to protect as many people as you could." His grip tightens on the steering wheel. "And how much every single life lost cost you."

I've never spoken to anyone other than Alice about the unexpected effects of the last spell I ever cast. It was a very old version of Priori Incantatem, it was meant to remove Godric, but in the end it also removed the souls of those I killed. The veins on my body were a not only marks of what I'd done, they were vessels meant to protect those taken – an ancient ritual of the nomadic wizards, according to Alice. The spell cast through the Terra-Orbis was amplified to an unpredictable extent, depleting my magical energies to a debilitating point and creating shades of all those I killed. I was told some of them lasted almost two months, depending how they used the magical energy that gave them form. I didn't wake till long after they'd all disappeared.

"…_Past one thousand revolutions to the sun… the Snake will turn and strike it's three companions…Death will take all who face it's fangs…Only the marked champion guided by the wisdom of the Lion may triumph…he will pay the price to slay the beast and save their souls…Past one thousand revolutions to the sun the Lion must teach the cub…_"

It's strange how prophecies make perfect sense after they've already past, neither Godric nor I interpreted it this way. We both thought the souls saved by my efforts were those people who were spared.

"She didn't blame you." His voice cracks slightly. "She wanted to forgive you herself, but she was gone before you woke."

I open my mouth to try to say something, but I can't.

"Everyone would like to see you, especially mum." He glances at me, but under the wait of my guilt I can bring myself to look at him. "Think about it Harry." I give a small nod even though I don't think I can ever face Molly Weasley again, not after killing one of her children.

The remainder of the car ride passes as it began, in silence and I am left with nothing but my weighty thoughts for company on the way back to London.

Two days later in London I wasted some time in the shops close to the UCLH* before my appointment. As soon as three o'clock came around I was seen to Dr. Morgan's examination room for my monthly physical.

As I step off the scale in nothing but my pants, Alice walks in without even so much as a knock.

"Hello, sorry I'm late." She smiles, giving a jaunty wave, not even blinking at my state of dress.

"I've already finished his physical." Dr. Morgan informs her, used to her oblivious antics.

"Oh!" She joins him at his desk to go over my file. I shake my head, pulling on my trousers.

"Well then," I hear Alice say as I adjust my shirt over my shoulders, "we best get on to the next part, right Harry?" I give her a nod, obviously nothing's wrong if she ready to get right to it. She reaches into her bag pulling out a Remembrall and tossing it to me.

Over time I'd built up a bit of a tolerance to the adverse effects of my body absorbing magical energy, I no longer convulsed and collapse as a result, at least not at this level; massive magical charges like back in Egypt are another thing entirely.

I catch the small sphere in my right hand with the practiced ease of the Quidditch skills I no longer need. Nothing happens. Rather, the white smoke inside the ball swirls as it should, but the magic in it stays untouched.

I stand there for a few minutes in shock before Alice takes the Remembrall from me, examining it closely trying to find a fault in it. She looks between the orb and me several times before abruptly leaving the room. I look to Dr. Morgan for an explanation, but he looks as bewildered as I feel.

Alice returns a few moments later, a quill in her hand, "I just transfigured this from my pen," She says, holding the long black plume out to me. I take it, and still nothing. Switching my eyes sight I examine the shimmer of magic surrounding it.

I take a deep breath and focusing on the feeling of magic in my hand I reach out to it, not physically, but almost trying to connect to it as if it were apart of me. The energies flared, jumping from the quill and attaching to me. The black plume reverts back to its' original shape.

I hardly believe it.

"The Remembrall." I demand of Alice, she immediately digs it back out of her bag, handing it to me. It doesn't change in my hands. I can feel it the magic it in, as well as see it. "Alice? What does this mean?" I ask her, "I had to focus to take the magic out of the quill." She blinks rapidly, and grabs her chin, chewing on her lip in thought.

I wait with batted breath for her assessment.

"Harry, I-" She stops, licking her lips, and continues in awe, "I think your magic swallowing capabilities are no longer involuntary."

For a few long moments I can't seem to understand the full implications of her words. Then I realize this changes everything, and I ask her the only thing that matters to me in this instant.

"Alice, would you lend me Knight Bus fare to Hogwarts?"

(To be concluded…)

**(A/N) **Yeah, I know it's been a while, but I still came back didn't I? And yes, I know I said this would be the last chapter, but when I (_finally_) came back to finish the story I found there was just to much to fit into one chapter, so I split it in two. I will finish this story, I swear! Reviews as always are greatly appreciated, and are a fantastic motivator, so thank you to those who choose to leave them.

Next (the final chapter…_really._) **Chapter 7:** Home Again (I will be finishing this in the next few weeks, no ifs, ands, or buts. I want it done so I can move on to other stories.)

* UCLH – University College London Hospital

**Latin Words**

Voro – to swallow up

Magus – a magician

Magia – magic


	8. Home Again

**(A/N) **General warnings and a disclaimer can be found in the first chapter.

**The Hardest Choices**

**By O.A.I.**

**Edited by…**

**Chapter 7:** Home Again

I'm leaning on the frame of this thick wooden door, trying to convince myself to face the person I know is on the other side. The gargoyle knocker eyes me warily, obviously suspicious of me, since I've been standing outside in the rain getting drenched for the past ten minutes.

Merlin, how long has it been since I last saw your face? Has it really been a year? One year since I last laid eyes on you, spoke to you, and even longer since I last held you, kissed you, touched you…But I have never stopped thinking of you, dreaming of you, loving you.

I find it almost hard to believe I'm here, but I suppose today has been all about facing Harry Potter.

_(Flash Back)_

The sun was setting and I had yet to move one step from where the Knight Bus had left me. I'm not sure how long I'd stood there on that old dirt road, looking at the gates that mark the boundary between the outside world and the grounds of Hogwarts; the only place I've ever called home. It had been an impulse to come here. The first thing I'd thought of when I found out my magic devouring quirk was under control. I'd gone back simply because I could. But somehow, I found myself unable to take the steps that would bring me to the castle. Perhaps if I'd been left to my own devices, I never would have.

A shrill cry was the only warning I had before my vision was filled with white feathers. A small snowy owl landed in my arms, hissing and screeching as though it were dying, tangled up in its own wings. The bird was in too much of tizzy to hold on to, so I set it down quickly on the ground, lest I drop him. The little owl continued its frenzied wailing as a full grown one swooped down next it. The adult shuffled over to the howling owlet, and give it a swift peck on the head. The little owl shrieked once more before quieting. The older owl then helped maneuvered the little one back onto its feet.

I laughed. It was such a strange sight, I couldn't help myself. I felt something inside me relax in that instant. All the tension and trepidation in me melted away by the antics of two owls. As I took a deep breath to steady myself, the adult owl hooted up at me in earnest. Looking down I recognized a friend I thought I'd never see again.

"Hedwig?" She hooted at me again, clicking her beak.

I bent down to get a good look at her. She was ruffled and dusty, probably from looking after the little one. She lifted her leg at me, and put my arm down for her, and she climbed on. The weight of her was somehow comforting.

I shifted my arm in invitation towards the owlet, who hissed at me. Hedwig hissed back at him; he cringed before shuffling over to join her on my arm. Standing up, I reached out and scratched her head. She closed her eyes, then gave me knowing look.

"I'm being an idiot again, aren't I?" I sighed. She hooted at me shuffling up my arm to my shoulder, her owlet following her. She rubbed her head against mine, "Your right." It was strange how she always seemed to be able to make me feel better. "Enough waiting." And just like that I found my courage again, and headed towards the castle.

When I reached the stone steps of the entrance she hooted at me one last time, before pushing off and flying away with her little one. I stared after them for a moment, glad that leaving her had been the right thing to do; the old girl had a family now.

I'd climbed those old stone steps, pushed open the doors and walked into the darkened entry way. The fading daylight streamed in behind me and through the high stained glass window, softly lighting the entrance hall, and I remembered. I remembered my first steps in this castle, the day I'd been sorted into Gryffindor. I remembered Hermione worry over exams, and Ron telling her not to. I remember a surprise kiss, given to warm Draco's pale lips after an afternoon spent in the snow.

I stood there flooded with memories - so many memories – I'd never realized how important this spot had been in my life till that moment.

"Hello, Harry." I turned so fast I'd wrenched my neck. I hadn't thought anyone would be there, it being summer and all. "Ms. Burton said you were on your way, and I was beginning to wonder what was keeping you." I should have known Alice would fire call Dumbledore, he's practically her idol after all. "I'm pleased to hear you are feeling better now, after your fantastical change."

"Thank you, Headmaster." He smiled at me in that knowing way of his, and I felt like something was about to change in my life all over again.

"Come to my office, Harry. I have something that belongs to you." As he turned away I cocked my head to the side, wondering what he could possibly have been talking about.

My old school trunk. I'd forgotten that I'd left it there.

I'd opened the worn out box that'd been haphazardly filled with most everything I've ever owned; the most recent items thrown on top. My useless wand and a pair of dragon hide gloves. Neither useful anymore. A wand with no core is worthless; I may as well toss it. The gloves had already served their purpose, and I can't use magic anymore. So what's the point in keeping gloves that directed my energies through my "wand"? I don't need to hide the fact I assimilated my wand's core anymore. Another bit of trash.

Old socks, broken gadgets, school uniforms, quills, ink, parchment, books. All the mundane requirements for a school child. Things I don't need any more. Perhaps I can donate some of them. I hadn't really come back here for any of this, but it was nice to see it all just the same. Reminders of a better time.

My invisibility cloak was most useful item I'd found, and I pulled it out of the trunk a bit of wood sticking up caught my attention. I reached for it and pulled out my old broom. The Firebolt Sirius had given me. I ran my hand along it. I remember what riding a broom felt like; freedom. As I pulled it from the trunk it snagged on something brown. Disentangling it I realized it was a sweater. The golden snitch marking it as the last Christmas gift I'd gotten form Mrs. Weasley. I swallowed hard remember my car ride with Bill in Egypt. I couldn't help but wonder after them, and the rest of the family. Maybe…maybe I could look in on them.

I set the sweater aside for consideration later, then continued rummaging through the trunk. Some down turned photographs made me hesitate before pulling them out. Some _Prophet_ photos of me, and one or two with Ron and Hermione. Their images wave at me enthusiastically, and I wonder if they're still together. If they'd even respond to a letter; I'm sure Hedwig wouldn't mind.

The album that was beneath the photographs was what I was really after - the pictures of my parents - but as I reached for it a bit of orange pulled my attention away. I swallowed hard reaching for it uncertainly.

I held that worn out bit of woven orange string in my hand, and I may as well have been looking at Draco. I remembered how it was before; how he used to smile; the soft sound of his genuine laugh that he so often tried to stifle; the smooth touch of his skin, the warmth and comfort I once found in his embrace; the way he would sometimes whisper in my ear. Despite all my attempts to forget him, the time and space I've deliberately put between us, I know that I will never stop missing him. Of all the things I have done, I will always regret the pain I've caused him most of all.

"You know Harry, Draco has moved into one the Malfoy home in Comrie. It's a short broom ride from here, and I do believe your broom is so endeared to you that it might fly for you without the need of magic." The broom vibrated in response beside me. Albus has always been too observant for the good of anyone around him.

_(End of Flash Back)_

I can admit I'm afraid to face him, to make him look at me again after all the pain I've caused him. The coward in me wants to keep on running from that pain, but I can't. Not anymore. I've had enough of excuses, enough to last a life time.

I take my weight off the frame, wiping the water from my face, and pushing the wet hair out of my eyes as I take a deep breath to prepare myself. Looking at the knocker I give it sharp nod to let it know I'm ready. The knock echoes through the silence of the rainy night and I swallow the lump forming in my throat.

I _cannot_ run away. I _will_ not run away.

The door opens, the flames in the door lamps flicker, and my heart jumps. He's standing in the half open doorway, a greeting dieing on his lips as he realizes it's me. He's changed, his features are more defined now, dignified, his hair isn't slicked back like I remember, and it's shorter too. He might be taller now, but I'm not really sure since I've grown a little.

"Harry?" His tone tells me how surprised and confused he is to find me on his stoop.

"Wait." I hold up a hand to stop him from saying anything further, if I don't do this now I may never. "I've come here to tell you something important, let me say it and then you can do whatever you like - scream at me, hex me, beat me to a pulp or shut the door in face - I won't stop you, but please let me say this first." I stop a moment; he doesn't say anything so I forge on ahead.

"I know that this has been a long time coming, and that I'm probably the last person in the world you want to see, but you deserve, more than anyone else, to know just how sorry I am." I'm letting the words run out of my mouth, he looks like he's going to say something, but I don't give him the chance.

"I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness, because I don't deserve it." That stops his reply.

"I should have told you this in the entranceway the day I left the infirmary. I should have told you just how much I hate myself for the things I did to you. But I ran. I ran and I kept on running." I swallow hard, "I regret that more than you will ever know." I lock my eyes on his, holding his gaze, willing him to understand how much I mean these words.

"I am _sorry_." I've finally said it, and my emotions are churning fresh inside me. I thought that I had grieved for what I lost a long time ago, but I was wrong. So very wrong.

I stand there waiting for his reaction. He just stares blankly at me and I don't know if he even believes me. I soon realize he isn't going to reply. Of all the reactions he could give, silence has to be the worst. I bow my head, knowing he has every right to hurt me this way.

"Thank you, for listening." I barely manage to force these parting words out. Turning, I walk down the path leading back to the road.

"Harry," I turn my head back to look at him, my hand on the gate. "If you could go back and change this, would you?" He's stepped out of the door, and the look he has on his face tells me he's unsure if really wants to know my answer.

"No." I don't hesitate, not for a second. He nods once and turns to go in. "In the end the choice I had to make was simple," he stops, looking back at me, "either save you, or watch you die." he stares at me, seemingly shocked. "Honestly, being hated is a small price to pay for keeping you alive. I hate that I had to hurt you, and you can curse me until the end of time Draco, but I will _never_ regret that decision." I mean that, more than anything. I only wish I'd told him sooner.

He stands there, looking at me. After a moment he shivers and looking up he seems to only just now realize that it's raining. He looks at me again and then moves to go inside. I turn away knowing he's finally understood.

"Come inside." I turn back thinking I've just imagined that. Our eyes meet briefly and I can see he wants to talk more. He goes in leaving the door open for me. I rub my neck, and let out a sigh knowing this is going to be a difficult conversation. I smile slightly anyway, because even though this may never be a happy ending, it's one that I can live with.

(The End)

**(A/N) **Well, that's it. Not the original ending I had in mind, but I felt this was more in tune with the feel of the whole story so I changed it. I had also briefly considered letting Harry and Draco go their separate ways at the end, but decided it was too depressing. I hope everyone liked it, or at least feels it's appropriate, despite how long it took me to get around to it. I just hope I didn't forget to explain anything.

I know that I didn't address some issues like how does Harry salvage his relationship with Ron and Hermione, but I honestly never planned to from the inception of the story. I had however initially planned to write a sequel that did cover this and continue exploring Harry's Voromagus abilities. This is not going though, I no longer have the motivation. If someone would like to write one though, you have my blessing.

This chapter probably isn't as well done at it could have been, but circumstances being what they are - I'm just glad I've finally finished the story. Thanks to everyone who supported this, your feedback has been invaluable to me. If you could find it in your heart to review this chapter, I would very much appreciate it.


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